tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6193753530280373065.post6666896435102131457..comments2023-06-13T07:07:29.903-07:00Comments on The Other Side: Some posts I have been meaning to writeKamihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01215000341567119958noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6193753530280373065.post-13115892016247455992008-12-17T08:20:00.000-08:002008-12-17T08:20:00.000-08:00I know I'm a year late, but...I really struggle wi...I know I'm a year late, but...<BR/>I really struggle with this--my father is obsessed with geneology, but is pretty remote in other ways, and my husband pointed out to me that the genetic connections in my family (the resemblances etc), are the bulk of the connections we have. So, I've been working that one through. Oh I am so glad you wrote all this stuff!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6193753530280373065.post-35109854671155920882008-05-15T18:27:00.000-07:002008-05-15T18:27:00.000-07:00I hope that post didn't offend.I think I was tryin...I hope that post didn't offend.<BR/><BR/>I think I was trying to say I hope you don't add guilt or self judgement to your heavy heavy load.<BR/><BR/>BBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11890663570732346315noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6193753530280373065.post-49768904632316240162008-05-15T18:24:00.000-07:002008-05-15T18:24:00.000-07:00This one is surely a complicated ride.I am glad bu...This one is surely a complicated ride.<BR/><BR/>I am glad bubs is doing OK.<BR/><BR/>I hope Kami has the baby this time too. Amen.<BR/><BR/>I hope that, when the time comes, you won't need to keep protecting your heart. I know you know how to love and already you love this little one so much, even while you grieve the loss your children and the hope of a living child, made in love, from the joining of you and your husband.<BR/><BR/>So much to untangle.<BR/><BR/>I don't know if this helps but my latest mantra to myself is "It doesn't matter what places I go (anger, despair, jealousy, confusion) as long as I don't stay there.<BR/><BR/>It enabled Barbie to look at poor grieving broken hearted angry spikey Barbie in the corner, and go over and give her a hug. Sit beside her. and then gently take her hand and lead her to the next place.<BR/><BR/>I don't know why I am telling you this.<BR/><BR/>I have faith in the love and healing that will come with this little one. But I can only begin to imagine the confusion......<BR/><BR/>my love to you beautiful lady and almost mummy.<BR/><BR/>BarbBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11890663570732346315noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6193753530280373065.post-45371604274063950872008-05-14T14:38:00.000-07:002008-05-14T14:38:00.000-07:00I guess you had lots on your mind.. :) :) What an ...I guess you had lots on your mind.. :) :) What an adorable nephew. It put a smile on my face today. <BR/><BR/>I'm sorry about the insensitive comment from you midwife. Its so obvious she's never had to walk in our shoes and she just doesn't get it. <BR/><BR/>Knowing that Dh and I will never have our own child is something that I'm not even sure I've come to terms with. I'm still grieving and its a process. I'm not sure if I will ever get over it. When I married Dh, it was the one thing I was so excited about was to create someone half of me and half of DH. I dreamnt about what our children would look and turn out like and I will never have that and it still hurts. I still envy every women who gets that. <BR/><BR/>But I truly believe in the end it will not matter. It will the bond you create with your child and the love you give him/her and I know you will prove yourself wrong Kami. I can't wait for you to hold your baby in your arms soon.One Viewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16092873478760754270noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6193753530280373065.post-12691036341031065912008-05-14T09:29:00.000-07:002008-05-14T09:29:00.000-07:00That comment was pretty shitty. Maybe that sounde...That comment was pretty shitty. Maybe that sounded (a little) better in her head before it came out. She probably was just having a bad day, but.....I hope she's better at birthin' babies than diplomacy! <BR/><BR/>I've wondered about everything you just said, hoping that I wasn't making the wrong decision for IVF w/ DE. I always come back to what lots of mothers have told me - the fear of not bonding with their child is gone when they see them. I didn't give birth to my dogs, but I love them dearly. For my part, I completely agree with familyof2 - it isn't who gives them life, but who guides them through it. So well said.....<BR/><BR/>But hey - I guess I should get past the second HCG before I act like I know something, huh? :)<BR/>Happy belated Mother's Day, Kami!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6193753530280373065.post-38211284744739139492008-05-13T17:13:00.000-07:002008-05-13T17:13:00.000-07:00what a great thought: love can be thicker than blo...what a great thought: love can be thicker than blood...really like that one.<BR/><BR/>that comment about the donor did truly suck. clearly she wasn't thinking at all when she said it and as was pointed out above she may not have much experience with infertility my guess is she thought she was saying something helpful.still it sucks.<BR/><BR/>happy mother's day kami -- next year everything will be totally different.stacybhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15287587962566164235noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6193753530280373065.post-12211005785909676182008-05-13T12:25:00.000-07:002008-05-13T12:25:00.000-07:00It's true that whatever connections you have with ...It's true that whatever connections you have with your child will not be because of genetics. But, I am also constantly amazed at the stories adoptive parents tell about how they get remarks from strangers about how alike (physical and otherwise) they and their kids are. Sometimes, even when the parent and child are of a different race.<BR/><BR/>I completely understand the grief you still feel for not having that genetic connection. But I am hoping you and your child will have other, unexpected connections that are just as strong.<BR/><BR/>I also want to share something with you from an adoptee, that I read in the NY Times when they did a series on adoption. She said something like, blood is thicker than water, but love can be thicker than blood.Summerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10462071403127406819noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6193753530280373065.post-8635118776732876592008-05-13T11:07:00.000-07:002008-05-13T11:07:00.000-07:00Personally I commend you for not burying the feeli...Personally I commend you for not burying the feelings and telling people that everything is sunshine and roses. You are probably very correct, your midwife has very likely never dealt with infertility much less what you have gone through.<BR/><BR/>On a happier note...I LOVE LOVE LOVE your nephew...he sure is something special, as will your child be once he/she gazes his eyes on his/her MOM...because regardless of how they come to be...it isn't who gives them life that is important...but rather who guides them through it...Familyofthreehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07651933997488604718noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6193753530280373065.post-18016160684026882352008-05-12T21:34:00.000-07:002008-05-12T21:34:00.000-07:00I think most people are trying to do their best......I think most people are trying to do their best... but some do it better than others. I think her comment about not using a known donor sucked, personally. I can think of a hundred things more supportive than that to say. <BR/><BR/>Happy Mother's Day, Kami! I hope you are doing well...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com