Thanks everyone for your comments and support. LB continues to do well and most of the time I don't worry overly about her health and development. The nights can be odd though. A couple of nights ago I realized I was terrified of death - mine, LB's, Brad's. After Ernest died I actually lost all fear of death. What worse thing could happen? If Brad died, I would kill myself. Any other death I could survive (except mine, of course, but I wouldn't care). Now I would have to survive LB's death for Brad and Brad's for LB. If I died, who would be her mother? Craziness, but normal I suspect.
In other news . . . PJ says it better than me. She talks about the recent birth in the news. I think it is completely irresponsible. It is no different than a meth addict having a kid. In both cases the health of the child is in jeapordy. In both cases, the conception should have never happened in the first place. Nevermind the way it colors the general populations views on infertility and infertility treatment.
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I completely understand your thoughts on dying.
Off to PJ's.
A) You are NOT going to die for a LONG time.
B) It's SO natural to fear it when you have a beautiful angel depending on you.
C) After you die in your sleep at 96 years old, you will STILL be LB's mommy. LB has one mother - now and until she dies a very old lady.
Okay, let's just be clear on all that! :)
As for the octuplet news - I wrote such an admittedly harsh post about it and got an upset anonymous reply.
I don't care. I have a right to speak out over such a RECKLESS act that risked the life and health of 8 infants. If speaking out against that is wrong, then I'm guilty as charged (and I like it!). And I did address how idiots like that make it very bad for 99.9% of women who undergo fertility treatments responsibly.
Not only does the public gag over the recklessness of it but eventually, these uncaring women (I include Kate of "Jon & Kate" and the 70 year old Indian woman who gave birth last month) will inspire laws to avoid the outcomes of a radical few that will affect us all. There will be more red tape, more time, more cost, more emotional drain - thanks to the reckless act of a few.
I have had the exact same thoughts about dying. I sometimes wonder if I should have more children, because I'm afraid I couldn't handle all that without him.
I agree with PJ. I can't believe a doc would be so irresponsible to go through with what was most certainly not an IVF with that many follies. That's the kind of cycle you either cancel or convert to IVF.
Glad that LB is doing good.
You're right. PJ said it very well. All I could think about when I heard was that it gives IF a bad name because when people think IF treatment that is what they think, not those who have singletons and pursue it responsibly.
My husband summized the octuplets best--
Everyone wants to be the new "Jon and Kate Plus 8" but no one seems to think of the ramifications of doing something so incredibly foolish. Regardless of how you feel about selective reduction this was phenominally irresponsible on the doctors part as well as this womans part. And further the MORE cases you have where 6, 7, 8 babies survive to their births and all of MOST of them survive is going to equal more woman shunning responsibility over the desire to be a parent!
I sometimes get that death thing about Dh or Piccolina. Never about myself.
I wrote a post on the 8 as well. Before I found out that she already has 6 kids.
We may be writing to the converted here, but anyway, please see the link >
http://needing-fathers.blogspot.com
I think that after what happened with Ernest, it would be odd if you weren't afraid of death, especially now that you have LB to be here for. I am afraid, too. Always envisioning worst-case scenrarios. I think it might be an instinctual mom thing.
I was thinking something similar about death the other day -- that once the twins died, death no longer seemed so terrible.
I too have been going thru these morbid thoughts about death - mine, my son's, and my husband's. Something I don't want to think about but have been. My son is overall healthy and fine (8 months old) but lately these thoughts have been popping up and i can't really rationalize it and move on. So, something i'm working thru too. i guess its normal...
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