Monday, August 10, 2009

Because It Is Never That Easy

I had plans to post about my hormonal roller coaster today. It turns out I get pretty blue when I am pregnant, especially at night. There have even been times when I have wished that I wasn't only not pregnant, but didn't have any kids at all. I have also been filled with hate. I hate everything. I decided I hated my cell phone so much last Friday that I turned it off for the weekend. I would have preferred to watch it melt, but knew that was neither practical nor wise.

It's kind of funny to think of those thoughts / feelings now when I feel more in my "right" frame of mind. Those emotions are as real when they happen as any. Fortunately, I am neither sad nor full of hate most of the time and when I am I recognize that it is not based on reason. It is strange to feel this way and know it isn't who I normally am. We really are our chemicals.

But the important news of the day is that I have some placental issues. I have been spotting since shortly after the first beta. Today it turned red and was watery so we got in to see our OB. It turns out I have two trouble spots. One, called a lacuna, is a fluid filled gap in the placenta. It will likely be there the entire pregnancy and may cause growth issues or may be no issue at all.

The other is much smaller but it is between the uterus and the placenta. It could cause a miscarriage or preterm labor or, I am assuming (the OB didn't mention this) that it could cause a stillbirth as well. The good news is that it can heal.

The good news is that I will be waited on for a minimum of 3 days - strict bedrest. I will be adhering to his advice very closely, unlike the end of the last pregnancy where I took it as more of a guideline. If I can go 3 days without bleeding, I am off of bedrest. I am hoping that if I am diligent, it will heal quickly.

Our next update will be this Friday. I am still hopeful. If this doesn't work, I hope it ends sooner than later. Of course, I really hope it works because I don't think I will have the strength to try again.

23 comments:

Summer said...

I'm glad to hear you feel hopeful for this pregnancy, although I'm sure any wait-and-see can still be filled with anxiety.

I will be hoping these fluid gaps resolve themselves into minor issues. And soon!

Working Girl said...

Gosh...life just can't be easy for once!

Try to enjoy the time off your feet and keep your mind busy! Easier said than done, I know.

((HUGS))
Megan

Jill said...

ugh bed rest with a toddler doesnt' sound fun... hang in there. And I hope these issues resolve quickly!

Lisa DG said...

Gosh- I would be very emotional and anxiety-ridden.

I am so happy for you, though.

Enjoy the bed rest. How often is it that we get to be waited on? Do let us know how things go.
xoxo

Sarah @ When two becomes three said...

My surrogate had a pocket between her uterus and the placenta. It was detected at a 7 week u/s but it disappeared by 18 weeks. I have to agree with the previous poster - life sure can throw challenges. Praying that your bleeding stops.

Panamahat said...

Kami, you sure are right about it not being easy! I'm sorry you've been thrown another challenge and I hope the bed rest sorts the issue out. Sending you big hugs. xx

Sunny said...

Bleh! I'm sorry for the bumps in the road. I hope the bedrest does the trick, anxiously awaiting your update on Friday.

Lavender Luz said...

Breathing with you. Hoping with you.

Sending you thoughts of ease.

battynurse said...

I'll be hoping that 3 days of bedrest is enough to heal what can be healed and that the other thing is not an issue at all.
Sending many hugs to you.

Tracy said...

It's good that you recognize the chemicals at work in your body...I know it too, but at the time, those feelings are just so real!

You may remember, but I had placenta issues throughout most of my first and second trimesters. It's stressful, but in the end, most of these issues work out just fine. I'll be hoping for the same for you...

Sara said...

I'm sorry that you're having these issues (both emotional and physical), and hope that they pass quickly. Good luck with the bed rest.

Me said...

I wish for good news this Friday.

Leah and Maya said...

Stupid easy blissful pregnancy, who knows what that is? enjoy the being waited on, after talking to you I think yet again why are we even trying its so freakin scary and stressful, oh yeah thats right if it works its wonderful. I will talk to you this morning on my way into town, sorry no carousel riding for you today........

Fertilized said...

Thinking of you Kami

Peeveme said...

Oh gosh...I hope you make it through the next 3 days without spotting. That would give you a lot of piece of mind and hten you can focuso nthe long haul. Just get thought hte next 3 days.

I hear you about the emotional/mental issues in the 1T. I felt like that and felt soooo guilty about it. It's like Pre-pardum depression or something. Like you I tried to just be logical and remind myself that it was just hormones and would pass.

musicmakermomma said...

Thinking of you - hope the bedrest does the trick! Good luck

Caro said...

Thinking of you.

dreamsandfalsealarms said...

Yikes!

No wonder you are filled with hate and dread.

Lay down!

Laurie said...

Just sending you some positive thoughts..

niobe said...

Thinking of you. A lot. All the time.

Frenchie said...

Hi Kami-
Just catching up here. I am sorry to hear you are having these scary things happen. Keeping all appendages crossed for you.

MoDLin said...

I hope everything went well for you today. Thinking of you and sending positive vibes.

dreamsandfalsealarms said...

Hey Kami,
What's happening?