Off

Off bed rest, that is. As of 2:00 yesterday. Thank goodness, I was getting really grumpy. Poor Brad, I bet he hated to come home from work. He was doing all the childcare and putting up with me be surly or sad or both. It was not pretty, but hopefully it is behind us and really, as things go, wasn't that painful. At least for me. Brad might have a different story.

But 6 hours later I had some spotting. I hope my reprieve isn't short lived. I have a call into my OB but he isn't in until tomorrow. The nurse said, "Take it easy. Brown spotting is normal during pregnancy." It didn't help that she sounded young and I have never spoken to her before and she isn't even my doctor's nurse, but I heard a patronizing tone of voice. I wanted to respond, "This is my fifth pregnancy, I have had two miscarriages and one early infant death. I know what is normal and what isn't. What I want to know is if I need to start the three days over again?"

I was polite and got off the phone.

Update: I forgot to post this yesterday (Wednesday) and today I spoke to my OB and we are ALL GOOD! Normal activity may be resume. Thank goodness!

In other news . . . I don't have any other news. I haven't done anything in a week.

I have had some thoughts wondering through my head lately, however. One of them being that I would really like to make some homemade pizza with homemade pizza dough soon (I have been watching Alton Brown to pass the time) or perhaps this chocolate cake.

The other thought is a twist on the "Why her and not me?"

How many times have I thought that? The first time that was sufficiently significant to remember was on FF. It was about a year after Ernest died and I came across someone offering hope to someone else trying IUI with severe male factor infertility. Like me they were successful in getting pregnant when all odds were against them. I kept reading and she ended with " . . . and now we have a 2 year old son." I felt my mind bending in on itself. Some part of me had decided that Ernest died because we really shouldn't have gotten pregnant in the first place, but here was someone who beat the odds and got a baby. I couldn't believe it and kept rereading the passage thinking, "Why her and not me?"

So many times in the following 5 years that question has come up again and again. I know there is no reason. I know the world is wholly natural (with no higher powers interfering) and that things just happen. Yet, I still find I want that answer.

Lately, I have been wondering the reverse: Why me and not her? Why was I so lucky (so far) with baby number two and others are still doing everything possible and just keep trying and trying with no luck. There has just been too much bad news out there lately.

It makes no sense and it's not fair and there is not one thing we can do about it.