Thursday, September 3, 2009

The Sound Of Magic

A heartbeat. What a wonderful thing to hear. I have gotten complacent in this pregnancy. LB keeps me sufficiently busy that I don't have time forget to pay attention to this new baby. Unlike LB where I could not believe we would ever have a baby, but still appreciated each moment I was pregnant; now I (all interfering gods look away) expect to have a live baby, but forget to appreciate this moment.

Then yesterday my midwife could not find the heart tones. She wasn't worried, 12 weeks is at the limit of where she can pick up heart tones with the doppler. I wasn't worried and decided that I would not give it any mind share until my next appointment (with the OB) in two weeks. Then I woke up in the middle of the night thinking, "What if this baby dies because I didn't pay attention to it?" I know noticing or not noticing will have no effect at all, but a middle-of-the-night mind doesn't have much reason. I spent some time talking to this little one and telling him I am so glad he is here and how I think he will really like his big sister, etc."

The next morning I felt more rational and felt that everything would be ok. But then I thought I was pregnant with our 3rd IVF and I wasn't. Wouldn't it be just my luck to regain some trust in our ability to go from pregnancy to a baby only to be knocked down again? Perhaps my confidence is unfounded. Maybe the baby is already dead. No, don't think like that - alive or not there is nothing I can do about it, I might as well assume the best and go about my day.

Nah! Let's show up at the OB's office and get a heartbeat! I packed LB into the car, grabbed two egg sandwhiches at a local fast food restaurant (I kid you not, LB can eat nearly an entire sandwhich) and off we went. I called on the way - as soon as they opened- and said I could be there at 9:00. My sister met me there just in case we got bad news. Again, I wasn't really worried, but you just never know.

And then . . .

Ahhhhh . . . heart tones. Magic.

And
a reminder to be here now. I am pregnant and never will be again. I may not be able to give this experience all the attention I gave the last pregnancy, but I can do better. Especially if it doesn't give LB a sibling, but even it does, I want to know that I appreciated and enjoyed the process as much as possible.

11 comments:

Sarah @ When two becomes three... said...

I am so glad that everything turned out ok. Whew....

Summer said...

The middle-of-the-night mind can really come up with some doozies can't it? So glad your OB's office let you in and gave you the reassurance you needed!

singletracey said...

so glad you got to hear that everything was okay..

Golly... 12 weeks.. YIKES!

Lisa DG said...

So funny- someone said the same thing to me today- to be in the moment of this pregnancy.

I am glad you got to hear the heartbeat...and I am glad to be on this journey with you.

battynurse said...

I love that last paragraph. So very true. Also love that your OB is so awesome that you can call on your way there and have them do a quick check for heart beat.

Lavender Luz said...

Exhaling....ahhhhh.

So great to hear this news, and your reminder to be here now.

Congrats!

Leah and Maya said...

thanks for updating me right away! Even though I so want to be in your shoes I remember the stress and its just so scary and stressful. I felt like "the call" again today waiting to hear from you, although it is a little bit easier then it actually beign me, but you realize you wouldn't know how to react or what to say if it was bad because really what is there to say (other then alot of swear words and such)
So YEAH for nice strong heartbeats!

Geohde said...

Whew...you had me worried.

g

Sunny said...

So happy you heard the magical sound!

Fertilized said...

Very thankful for your ears to hear the magical sound

Lisa DG said...

You taught me a valuable lesson by sharing this experience- BE HERE NOW. Thanks for that reminder because I forgot to that....xoxox