Monday, May 10, 2010

Love And Hate


I have spend a good part of the last nine years alternately loving and hating our dog Ender.  He has been mentioned in a few posts even though I would say I liked my cats better who I have never been mentioned.  I guess there is something about dogs and the way they interact with their humans.  My cats never ate freshly baked loves of bread off of the kitchen counter.  They wouldn't have been capable of eating 10 pounds of frozen hamburger in the 90 minutes we were gone.  Neither would they have been able to eat through a tupperware dish to get to my forgotten lunch in the time it takes to go around the block and run back in the house.  I have told Brad that I feel repeatedly victimized by him.  Of course, Brad's very good argument is that I should have had the foresight to keep these items out of Ender's reach.  We got in a few fights over it, I am sad to say.


I have also been frustrated by the amount of dog hair, the drool on the floor after he drinks, the barking that could wake up a sleeping baby, ruts in the lawn.  Normal dog behavior, but I am not much of a dog lover.

But he was also the dog who went for walks with me almost every day while were were trying to conceive.  There is a fenced field near our hours that is about 1.5 miles long.  I could take him off-leash and he would stay near without any effort from me.  He was a companion who I didn't have to talk to yet I didn't feel alone.  He was the kindest dog I have ever known.  I have seen him aggressive three times - all when he was attacked by another dog.  Each time he was on top of the dog in a matter of seconds.  As Brad has been fond of saying, "He was the hardest hitting dog in Schutzhund class."  He was the hardest hitting and he always did it with his tail wagging.  He was also gentle with LB and I felt safer knowing he would and could protect her if needed.


After seeming under the weather for a couple of days we took him to the vet last night.  He had a tender abdomen and very high white blood cell count.  They sent him home with antibiotics.  He seemed be getting better.  He died late this morning.

Good bye, Ender.  I'm sorry I wasn't more kind to you after LB was born.  I hope LB keeps saying "Back door Ender" (translation: Let's go out the back door with Ender) for a little while longer.





24 comments:

maresi said...

I'm sorry about your dog. That is hard.

katedaphne said...

Kami, I'm so sorry for the loss of your doggie.

I can relate to your love/hate feelings. I AM a dog person, and I love my two dearly. But one is getting older and she is getting SO annoying. She drives me bats. But when she walks by, my little monkey just laughs and laughs. And like your Ender, Sammy has been by my side for a long time, through thick and thin. If only she weren't so much work!

People told me when the babies came my furbabies would get demoted to just dogs. I didn't believe them, but it does happen.

Anyway, sorry to ramble. I'm sorry for your loss. I hope LB doesn't take it too hard.

xo

Amy said...

Oh no! I'm so sorry to read about the loss of your dog! I, myself, am a HUGE dog lover...and these posts ALWAYS make me cry. Your's was no exception. Especially your apology to him...I'm sure it wasn't necessary. Ender knew how much he was loved.

MrsSpock said...

Oh no! So sorry.

Summer said...

I'm so sorry! Thanks for sharing these stories of Ender with us.

luna said...

RIP ender.
sweet pix of LB with him.

Jill said...

I'm sorry Kami... I know a dog can really be like a member of the family. I'm so sorry.

R. said...

I'm so sorry about your dog. That is truly awful.

Sue said...

So sorry for the sudden loss of your dog, Ender.

battynurse said...

I'm so sorry. It's hard to lose a pet even if it's an ambivalent relationship.
I also relate to many of the feelings you described. I loved my dog but hated the shedding and all the upkeep that came along with a dog. Cats are just easier.
Hugs to you all though in missing Ender.
PS LB sure is a cutie in that last picture.

studentrntiffany said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Sending hugs and prayers.

Sara said...

I'm sorry, Kami. I have had that love/hate relationship with a pet before also. It's a hard one.

Lavender Luz said...

Oh, Kami. So sudden. There's a wholeness to your love for Endor. The way you describe it is 360 degrees around. I'm sorry for your and Brad's loss, and for that of LB's.

XOXO

skrambled said...

Ah man that is so sad! I smiled when I read about all the naughty things he used to do. My boxer used to jump over the wall and steal OTHER peoples washing. One day we had a G-string a pillow and a babies nappy in our garden - All not belonging to us.

Shame it must be very quiet in your house now.

Kay said...

Oh Kami,
I am so sorry, I am a dog lover and they can still make me crazy. ((hugs)) And I agree with PP, Ender knew he could make you a little crazy, he loved you I am sure..

Panamahat said...

Oh Kami, I am sorry. That last photo of LB with Ender brought tears to my eyes...

Frenchie said...

Kami,
I'm sorry. :(

Sunny said...

I am SO sorry for your loss, Kami. Prayers up for your sweet pooch!

Dreams and False Alarms said...

(((HUGS)))

singletracey said...

I am sorry about the loss of Ender... :-(

Leah and Maya said...

love you guys,

Truck Driver Wife said...

R.I.P. Ender. You will be missed by many.

Me said...

I'm sorry Kami.

Sky said...

Well, I AM a HUGE dog lover (all animals, really) and the planet is worse off without your sweet Ender in it. My little furbaby Liv sends her hugs to LB.