Monday, May 3, 2010

Perfect Moment Monday: Falling In Love

It has been a bit chaotic in the Kami-Brad household.  I have been trying to keep up with everyone's blogs but haven't carved out the time to comment in most cases.  I apologize for that.

Having kid number two has been quite a different experience.  Some things are easier and some things harder.  I am very happy that I didn't need to recover from major surgery and I am getting about as much sleep as I have for the last couple of years - not enough but no painful transition either.  We also didn't really have to go through reorganizing our division of labor that is so hard on a marriage in the beginning.

The hardest part is feeling ok with the amount of time I have for LB and LBII.  They seemed to be surviving but I have been in tears over LBII being left to cry while I am tending to LB or LB monologuing about all the things she would rather be doing rather than play by herself.

From the moment of LBII's birth, I have struggled.  I know not everyone bonds with their baby on first sight and I have left space for those feelings to grow, but it comes with some guilt.  When LB was born we had waited 6 years to hold our Someday Baby.  I was beyond excited and then my time was all for her.  I was madly in love from the first moment.

By the time LBII was born on the third night of labor I was more relieved than excited.  I was happy to see her, but it wasn't the same.  Then we began our life as a family of four and my time and attention is divided.  There have been times I felt LBII was getting in the way from me spending time with the child I really loved - my nearly 2 year old toddler. We were closing in on 5 weeks with LBII and she still seemed distant to me.

Then a few days ago, I was changing LBII's diaper and I was making faces at her.  She gave me the biggest smile! And I realized something was going on and had been going on for days if not weeks.  I had just been to busy to notice.  I realized I was falling in love.

Thank you to Lori for reminding me to notice these perfect moments.

12 comments:

MrsSpock said...

I worry too, if we are successful, if I will have trouble bonding with child #2, as J is the "Golden Child" who finally made it here.

I am curious, too, how different the recovery is between the c/s and vaginal.

Jill said...

aw.... so adorable!

And don't worry - love is not a pie. It doesn't get divided up like time. It just grows and grows. You have enough!

Also, before long they will start having fun together. Even now that C is 6 months and B is 3 1/2, they entertain each other some. It's fun and they both get something special out of it.

PFM said...

That is so great. I can imagine the difficulty to adjusting to another person in your home and to take care of.

Lavender Luz said...

Oh, I remember that bonding experience being similar for me with #1 vs #2. I was worried it wouldn't work out!

But it did beautifully. Sometimes all it takes is just keeping at it.

I love the way you noticed it all at once, with a smile being the catalyst.s

R. said...

I think its totally normal that it took a bit longer to bond with LBII. Glad that things are going well and that everyone is doing ok.

Summer said...

Glad to hear from you in the midst of all that is happening. I'm also happy to hear that things are getting better!

Kim said...
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Sara said...

I appreciate your honesty. It seems to me that most moms of two or more admit to having a very different reaction to the birth of the second and the birth of the first. I'm glad to hear that the magic is happening now.

Sky said...

Kami, the fear of not loving my own child is something so near and dear to my fearful heart. The only thing that gives me hope is that (don't laugh) I love my animals so much - I just adore them - and I have to believe that I'll feel at least that much love for a little one I carried.

Me said...

I knew it was happening even if you didn't. I mean, come on, you're YOU!

Dora said...

Beautiful!! :-)

Dreams and False Alarms said...

Just kinda snuck up on you! Sounds pretty typical, from what I understand.