It has been crazy busy in the Brad and Kami household. Between the two kids we get very little sleep and very little downtime. On a whim we texted LB's favorite person in the world and asked if she could babysit. She gave us a blessed couple of hours so with LBII sitting next to me I am going to give a quick update.
I have really enjoyed seeing how LB and LBII look similar. For some reason, I find it more warm and fuzzy then seeing how they look like their dad. It is as close as I am going to get to the feelings I may have had seeing me in them. People tell me it is no big deal, but I think I would have enjoyed it. I consider myself fortunate to get a matched pair.
My OB has fallen from his idealized position. Based on chart notes and pictures, I am convinced my OB is not being honest with me about why he got me back into bed from pushing on the floor and decided to do a vacuum extraction and why he did the episiotomy. I don't know why he couldn't tell me the truth. I would have settled for "it was in my best judgement at the time." Instead, I will have to wonder if it was "I panicked" or "On hands and knees on the floor without constant monitoring was just too far outside of my comfort zone" or "I deliver babies, I can't just let them be born!"
He may have forgotten that his notes indicated the baby went from a +2 to a +3 station when he told me a week later that I was making no progress on the floor, but 8 hours after the birth the nurse told me he charted - in detail - that I was tearing and he made 3 cuts (as in "tearing so I cut a first degree, tearing more so cut second degree . . .). I have a picture showing my perineum was completely intact when he made the cut and multiple witnesses said he did it all at once. No longer "Dr Wonderful", he is "Dr Better Than Most OB's"
I still want to like and trust him. I guess it is good I won't be having any more babies so it really isn't an issue.
Donor Egg Grief:
I won't say I am 100% ok with how things turned out. I think, given the chance, I would have a third kid if I knew I could have a healthy genetic baby. But I love our two girls with all my heart, feel extremely fortunate to even have two kids and the DE thing rarely crosses my mind these days. If I didn't have a kid's book about DE conception, I would be afraid I would forget to tell them.
Pediatrician's tend not to think it helps, but we were struggling with breastfeeding for 6 weeks before we saw a lactation consultant who suggested it. It made a huge difference. LBII couldn't suck hard enough to keep my breast in her mouth, but that changed as soon as the surgery was over. We were doing ok intake wise before, but I had to hold my breast in her mouth and she would be worn out by then end of the day so she would nurse/sleep/nurse/sleep multiple times in a very short time. I recommend it if an experienced lactation consultant suggests it.
Baby crying, gotta go. Hopefully my next post won't be two weeks away.
644th Friday Blog Roundup
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