For all of you just waiting for the daylight hours to start increasing - your wait is over! While tomorrow is the official Winter Solstice it is also longer than today. In fact, in this neck of the woods tomorrow's daylight time is officially ONE SECOND longer than today. Yeah!!
Tonight, Brad and I intend to light a bonfire (well, a largish one anyway) to help the Sun God fight the evil powers of night.
As for the article I linked to in my last post - here are my thoughts: I think that there will always be people unhappy with the way they are raised. I think it also does the child a disservice by keeping the genetic link a secret or diminishing its importance. We live in an era where genetics are considered very important - perhaps too important. We believe we can link every trait and habit to one or two particular genes (although I think this is slowly changing and that it is much more complicated than that). To tell a child, "It doesn't matter where 1/2 your genes come from" is telling the child that what he/she feels is important really isn't. No one wants to hear that their thoughts / feelings are not valid. I hope that by being open and honest about our child's genetic heritage - and the availability of actually being able to meet the donor - will help avoid these types of situations. I hope this baby turns out ok and we will get the chance to test our theory.
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7 comments:
Have a happy celebration tomorrow night!
I would be very, very surprised if someone as insightful and introspective as you are did not produce a well adjusted individual.
I think intentions count for a LOT. In this case, I be your hypothesis will turn out to be true.
Go, Sun God!
I must admit, I didn't click the link the first time around, but I did this time. I think that article was rather biased, saying "[b]ut we also have to hear and respond to children’s pain when they lose the ability to grow up with their own mom and dad." Their "own" mom and dad? That sounds like my old-fashioned parents telling me to sweep things under the rug, so my daughter doesn't someday go looking for her "real" mother.
I'm in the telling camp as well. One thing I've noticed about the donor sibling registry is that it is very heavily weighted toward sperm donations. It makes me wonder why the egg donors and the children conceived through donor eggs aren't as actively looking for a match (just a quick conclusion after some skimming). And all of the angry stories I've read from donor-conceived children seem to stem from sperm donations (and a lot of anger is directed toward SMBC, so I wonder if the kids are really just missing a dad generally).
For us, it is what it is. My daughter wouldn't be here if it weren't for her donor. AND me. I don't think that my daughter will ever get to meet her donor, because it was an anonymous donation, but who knows. Perhaps she will hire a P.I. someday to piece together the information we have and look her up.
On another note -- I am sooo happy that the days are going to get longer too. Too bad it takes so long for the weather to follow. Enjoy the solstice.
enjoy the celebration!
as you know i'm also in the telling camp...interesting article.
as someone with an adopted father who never knew her biological one i agree with one of the last quotes in the article:
"a father is someone who loves and raises you." In other words a parent is someone who loves and raises you. This doesn't discount genetics -- but it does more clearly define what it means to be a parent...i think.
you are going to be a fantastic mom Kami.
I hope you enjoyed you bon fire last night!
I just read the web sites of Tangled Webs and Hands Off Our Ovaries (after reading the article you linked), for the first time... not surprised to see what is there... but it only reconfirms my belief that donor conception is really not that different from adoption, and it allows women who otherwise could not to experience carrying a child, which makes it even better than adoption, in my mind. Humans have practiced adoption from the dawn of time, so clearly, it's not something that is so out of line with our 'humanness' that it's unacceptable. Quite the contrary.
"Even though I think and feel very strongly about all of this and I don't encourage or promote "donor/vendor" conception, I am glad my parents had/made me, l loved them deeply, I would not, could not ever replace my dad for my "biological father".. ,I'm glad that I was there for them and I hope that my life added to theirs....I am loyal to those that I love."
--from whosedaughter blog
Perhaps some of these people are most concerned about those who choose secrecy, and there, they have real reason to be concerned. I cannot fathom how someone could not tell their child about this... but I guess some people do it.
Enjoy your bonfire!
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