Monday, July 14, 2008

Views from the other side

Under the heading "Sometimes wishes do come true", I would like to submit this post written exactly one year before Little Butterfly was born. Thank you to The View From This Place for bringing this to my attention.

It's strange how different it feels to be on the other side. When I read other people's posts about how hard it is to be in the position of trying to conceive their first child, I no longer feel the same feelings. I remember feeling the same, but now I relate to the posts differently. In some ways it is less painful because they no longer remind me of the ache in my own heart. In some ways, it is more painful because now I know that having just one baby can do so much toward healing those raw wounds of infertility. I hate that there is nothing I can do short of offering my understanding and support to those still trying to get their Someday Baby.

Not every moment post LB's birth is bliss - many of them I am tired and even sad (I'm still blaming hormones), but even in those worst moments, I am - at the very least - relieved that I no longer carry such a sad ache and longing in my heart. More often, I am happy like I haven't been happy in years. Brad told me that I am my old self again, even if I still have wounds from infertility: I still hate pregnant people; I still held my breath when my younger sister (the one who wouldn't donate her eggs to me) said she "had some news" (thankfully - it was much more mundane than a pregnancy announcement); I still don't feel like I would fit in to a new mommy group. But I am better - much better - off than I was just over three weeks ago.

My apologies to all of you TTC #1. I hope this post does not cause you too much pain. I remember what it was like to read other people's success stories and wonder, "What if I never get to be a mom?" I'm not sure where to go with my blog now and maybe posts like this are valuable on an infertility blog and maybe they aren't. I want to show that - despite all my grief and doubts about using donor eggs - life is better here. I want to give hope to those considering an alternate path to parenthood. At the same time, I know each decision on the TTC journey is deeply personal and just because it worked for me doesn't mean it would work for someone else.

Please let me know what you think. Should this become a "parenting after infertility" blog or should it be retired - at least until we start TTC #2? No matter what I do in this space, I will continue to do what I can to support those still trying to parent. I hope you will continue to be patient with me while I get caught up on all the goings on out there.

22 comments:

Geohde said...

I think you should keep this blog. It shows your journey and how far you've come...

J

G said...

I'm still here and reading, I think you should keep this blog. As one still waiting for a live baby out of all this, I enjoy reading the coming out on the other side blogs. Some days I can't deal, but I also don't have to read all the time. :)

Just my 2 pennies
G

Leah said...

I'm so glad to hear you are feeling happy. It's like water to a parched soul after so many years of IF pain, isn't it?

I firmly believe that you should keep this blog. I too am struggling about what to do with my blog (and therefore simply don't post very often). However, my blog is pretty run of the mill IF. Your blog, on the other hand, is a truly invaluable resource for other women navigating the sea of confusing and wrenching emotions as they consider/accept/move forward with donor eggs. I can't begin to express how helpful and amazing it was to read your thoughts as you worked through the whole thing while we were investigating the idea.

You have a rare gift of expressing yourself in such a wonderful way. For you to stop blogging would be a crime -- particularly because so many women who are wading through a donor egg cycle or a resulting pregnancy will benefit from your unique perspective on "the other side."

I've said it before, I'll say it 100 more times . . . I am so happy for you and Brad that LB is here.

Summer said...

I think you should continue (and I hope you will). This is all still part of the journey even if the ache and pain has lessened. Some people may not continue the journey with you but there are many of us who will.

Fertilized said...

if you are comfortable- I find it beneficial to read your blog

Lori said...

You put it very well: "I no longer feel the same feelings. I remember feeling the same,"

It was the same for me with adoption, and I think Beagle has expressed the same phenomenon.

It's like forgotten labor pains for Infertyls.

Me said...

I love to read what you write and it does not cause me pain at all. I selfishly hope you continue to blog so that I can continue to read.

Skerry said...

Please keep blogging, I began following your journey because it touched my heart. I am a fortunate Mom of 2 in a 2nd marriage facing secondary age related infertility with one tube, a mouthful I know. Our paths are different, but the desire to parent is the same I think. Good luck and enjoy LB to the fullest.

Smiling said...

I too would love to keep reading... at the very least I think people like us who are thinking about or waiting to start a donor egg cycle would love to hear about how the DE angle does (or does not) factor into every day life. Even if it is just an occasional witty response or clever way of chatting about it with LB.

But do know I would love to read as much or as little of your ongoing journey as you want to share.

theclam said...

I think you should evolve the blog, it shows your journey and your journey is now at the parenting after infertility stage... we're all here still reading just like you're still supporting... :)

DE Mommy said...

Keep going. It helps the rest of us.

Irish Girl said...

Kami, I enjoy hearing from you now just as much as I have all along. Your story, like others who've "made it to the other side", are an inspiration. I'll be here reading as long as you keep writing!

Lisa said...

It's your blog and I think it should be whatever you are comfortable doing (that was no help, I know!), but, whatever you do, I'll still be reading!

theviewfromthisplace said...

keep this blog. every word on here reflects a part of you, and it's beautiful to see how an individual slowly grows and progresses AND most importantly heals. i say keep it and just add to it.
on a personal note, i don't beleive in sheltering readers. i caught myself doing that when i was pregnant with my second baby, but stopped. i felt i had the right to express how i truly felt, what i did not do EVER was brag. to me the whole point of blogging is to be expressive and honest. i know i personally enjoy reading the good, the bad and the ugly. just my two cents. your sentiment is very sweet.

familyoftwo98 said...

This is YOUR outlet, so it needs to become what YOU want it to be. Its like watching television we have a choice as to what to watch. So if there is a particular day when its to much for some one to deal with they can change the channel.

For me, there are days when I can't stand to hear about coos and goos, and other days when I lap up every picture, story of the first bath, or first taste of pureed veggies. Yet I haven't gotten the BPF that actually leads to a birth yet.

However on those days when I am not mature, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't share stories of sleepless nights, or wishes that you could have one more child free day so you can hit the mall with a girl friend...that is all part and parcel of YOUR experiene for YOUR blog.

Michell said...

I agree that you should keep this blog and write about what feels right. I don't mind hearing about babies and all the stuff that goes along with parenting.

Amber said...

I would love to be able to keep reading you. I think your perspective on parenting would be just as valuable as your pregnancy and TTC struggles.

midlife mommy said...

I do hope you keep writing here about what it is like to parent now. Stories from the other side from DE moms bring hope to people who are wondering whether they can ever have a "normal" relationship with a child that they are not genetically linked to.

Frenchie said...

I really enjoy hearing about how you are getting along and your new discoveries as a mom. I am getting a lot of insight and it is good to get a glimpse of how it might look if I eventually am able to do IVF/DE. So you are definitely helping someone--ME! Keep doing whatever feels right with the blog.

Kate said...

I love reading your updates! It gives me hope and it's unbelievably helpful to read someone's story that mimics my own in so many ways. Everyone loves a happy ending and you gave me that!

tickintime said...

I, for one, would love for you to continue blogging. You are insight to a possible future for me as I've not given up hope using DE's. I'm just waiting for McHottie to come around.

luna said...

I agree you should use this space however you feel. keep on writing. your honesty is refreshing. no one would expect you to feel the same, or to be magically healed, necessarily. but we do want to keep reading your story.