Sunday, October 19, 2008

Remembering

Today is the fourth anniversary of Ernest's birth and subsequent death. Like last year, Brad and I will be commemorating the occasion by going geocaching and leaving an infertility awareness bracelet.

I don't have much to say. It seems less painful this year, but not as easy as I thought it would be. Ernest is no longer our only child and we have one we hope to see grow up. Already, LB is different than the day she was born. Ernest will always be the same in our memory. Watching LB change from day to day makes it easier to imagine how Ernest might have grown. I wish LB was a little sister now, not the oldest.

But then, I wish a lot of things had gone differently in the last 6 years. We are doing well and we are happier than we have been in a long time. Today we will remember Ernest and our journey, but I plan to notice how lucky we are too.

In the spirit of Perfect Moment Monday, I would like to submit this moment. Right now I am listening to soft music and LB is nearby while I earn money that will allow us to try for a sibling. Right now I am not wondering "What if?". Right now I am not lingering on thoughts of sadness or regret. Right now I am rejoicing in the smile LB just gave me. Right now I am at peace.

12 comments:

Lori said...

"Already, LB is different than the day she was born. Ernest will always be the same in our memory."

This is especially poignant.

I am inspired by your sense of well-being. Thank you, Kami, for this post.

MrsSpock said...

Remembering Ernest with you today...

luna said...

remembering with you today, kami.

what a lovely moment of perfection.

Sara said...

I'm sorry that your sweet Ernest isn't with you today.

Thank you for sharing your perfect moment.

Sky said...

Oh Kami, I am so sad for you. You had Ernest for much much much too short a time. No, it's not fair. LB should have a big brother to play with. Hugs!

battynurse said...

Remembering with you today. Hugs to you.

Skerry said...

Thinking of you & Brad as you honor Ernest. My faith allows me to believe that LB met Ernest in Heaven before she was born, in my mind he shared his love for you with LB.

Irish Girl said...

Thinking of you, Brad, Ernest, and LB today. May your whole family be at peace. Sending hugs your way.

musicmakermomma said...

Blessings to you and your whole family as you remember. Thinking of you on this day.

familyoftwo98 said...

I'm sorry I missed this earlier.

I thought of Ernest on the 15th, but I wish I had seen this on the 19th as well.

I know LB is the oldest, but she is also a younger sister to Ernest even though he grew wings.

Kay said...

Thinking of you!! Sending hugs your way...

B said...

Hey Kami

You are sounding like you have arrived home. It's nice to hear it. The worry and anxiety of the pregnancy has fallen away and you are appreciating the healing and joy that has come with the gift of LB. It's great to see

Will be thinking of you as you remember Ernest

love Barbs