Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Another theory

I had another dream that I was going to die last night. Quite disturbing. I keep thinking of a cancer my body might know about that my mind doesn't. The scariest one I can come up with is ovarian cancer, but since I had a cesarean birth, I suppose my OB saw my ovaries just four months ago and that is probably better screening than anything else currently available.

I have another theory. I wonder if my brain is revolting over being happy. After more than four years of sadness - four years of building pathways and activating certain synapses - perhaps my brain is fighting the transition. All day long it is activating areas that were seldom used before. At night, it relaxes and uses those old pathways because it is just that much easier.

I'm only half joking. Maybe there is some truth to that.

At any rate, the days ARE happy. Even tough days are so much better than relatively good days used to be.

If you will forgive me . . . a couple of highlights:

  • Taking a bath yesterday. We have been bathing together in our soaker tub since she was three days old. I would tell you about that first bath, but you wouldn't believe it. Suffice it to say that until yesterday she would spend some time happy and some time a little overwhelmed. Yesterday she was an entirely different baby - splashing and kicking and talking. She even got all cranky when I took her out and kept making the same splashing movement with her arms for about 3 minutes until she realized the air just wasn't going to work the same.
  • She is giggling more and more. It fills my heart to hear it. Today she was a handful during about an hour of my work shift - talking and wanting attention. I now have to find a way to make it up, but it was still a good hour.
  • How can life be bad when you can take pictures like this?




In case it isn't perfectly clear, I luvs my Lil' B.

20 comments:

MrsSpock said...

Love the picture!

I have nightmares now too that consist of me forgetting my son somewhere and having to go get him before someone notices I forgot him and takes him away.

musicmakermomma said...

LB is so cute! I love the story of your tub time. Dreams are weird, I think when we go through periods of great change in our lives they tend to happen more often. I would take more baths and try not to worry!

tickintime said...

LB is a beautiful baby. What a precious picture!

Lori said...

Thanks so much for this late-afternoon pick-me-up (the photo, not the part about your dream).

I think there might be some merit to your theory. Build new pathways!

Geohde said...

LB looks just adorable.

Oh, and I adore your new header. Very very nice!

J

Mrs. Spit said...

what a love!

battynurse said...

That is such a cute picture!!!

Leah and Maya said...

YEA you finally are posting an up to date picture, I know you could do it. You know i have the craziest vivid dreams of course I can be sitting up in bed and working(but really sleeping I guess0, and really I can't tell whats real or not, I could go on and on. Stress will do it, but also waht you eat at night. My mom used to eat frozen fruit in the winter and if she did it too close to going to bed she would have horrible vivid dreams about me dying. Yours is probably from stress brought on by really thinking about that next cycle, that would do it to me.

Skerry said...

LB is amazing and those cheeks look like they are begging for smooches.:)

Jill said...

oh her little chubby rolls make me want to eat her up!!! thanks for sharing a picture!!

my theory is that dreams are just dreams. wacky stuff you heard on tv or read or thought about can get in there and make you think of weird stuff all jumbled up.

Bee Cee said...

She's is just lovely and your post makes me think of all the things I want to do if/when we have a baby. Bring it on.

Forever Hopeful said...

Hi Kami.. :) Its been a long time and I've been thinking about you as well. Its so nice to hear how happy you happy you are doing and your little one is just adorable. Sorry about your bad dreams. Even though I don't have my miracle yet, I still get that same anxiety when things are going well. We are so used to feeling so sad and so hopeless and nothing going our way that when something does right, I almost get scared too. Like something bad is around the corner.

Working Girl said...

Simply precious!!!

Peeveme said...

Wow I just want to squeeze her. Baby rolls make me so happy. My 2 year old in thinning out :(. NO more chubbiness for Mama to gobble up!

familyoftwo98 said...

OMG LOVE the photo! She has changed SO MUCH since her last pictoral debut! She is just SO SO SO PRECIOUS!!!!

luna said...

that picture is just darling!

and I love the new header.

Panamahat said...

what Luna said!

Lavon said...

The picture is precious!

Keep have happy days and soon the nightmare will go away.

Frenchie said...

OMG she is so unbelievably precious. Thank you for sharing the photo... G-d bless you and Brad and LB. My heart is singing for you.

midlife mommy said...

That picture is priceless!