I had a "bad infertile" moment. Brad and I went to dinner the other night with my sister and her husband (currently childfree by choice). We had a lovely time and as we said our good bye's my sister chirped, "I'm going to go home and play Tomb Raider!" For just a moment I thought how wonderful that would be. To be able to go home and be responsible for no one but myself - to have hours to just do what I wanted, uninterrupted. For that moment I was ready to go home with my sister and leave LB in the car with Brad. But it was just a moment.
My "good infertile" was the previous day. Brad and I thought we were going to run into the mall for just a few minutes so I didn't bother putting LB in a sling, we just carried her. After a bit, it was obvious we were going to be awhile and I passed LB to Brad to hold. About 15 mintues later, he put her down on an washing machine to get her readjusted. I offered to take her back, but Brad assured me that he was fine. What he didn't understand was that I wanted to hold her. I hadn't held her for 15 mintues and I already wanted her back. I didn't say anything because Brad needs his turn too, but it was good to realize I still appreciate something as simple as holding our little one. I still know how lucky we are. I hope I never forget.
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8 comments:
I find I have to stop and remember the good fortune I have, it helps when dealing with some of the more insane sleep deprivation.
J
We took J around the husband's office for the first time today and ended up getting into a tug-o-war over who gets to hold him.
I'm with Jo. Mostly when I'm exhausted, I think, wouldn't it be nice just to have a day to myself? It's normal. No need to beat yourself up over it...I don't think there's a mom out there that wouldn't understand.
xo
Just because you struggled to get LB doesn't mean you aren't allowed to complain about being stressed out, tired, exhausted, un-showered, etc.... these are the things that go with motherhood. And we all want a break now and then. I say to Steve all the time - Imagine if you lived at your job. and that your boss popped in in the middle of the night in your office while you were trying to sleep and said "get up, we've got stuff to do" periodically. This is what it's like to be a mom. You're ALWAYS at work. It's work you chose, work you (mostly) like, and work you wouldnt' give up for anything, but sometimes, it would be nice to take a sick day. :)
I like how Jill said it. I think the momentary thinking how nice it would be to have a break is normal.
As is the wanting to be with LB all the time.
It seems that parenting is such a moment-to-moment job :)
Thanks so much for your comment on my post (from my semi-meltdown at Mel's lushery). It means more than you know.
I sometimes wonder if I'll have many of those first types of moments. So I'm trying to get in as much time with friends, by myself, and sleeping undisturbed in my bed NOW while I can.
I don't think you're bad because you wanted to have some free time. I feel that way sometimes too. But honestly, when I think about how I used to spend my time, before marriage and a child, it all seems so unimportant (and boring!). Do you know I used to spend hours playing Slingo back then? Yikes. What a waste.
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