Monday, December 22, 2008

Anonymous

Most of the time when I get a comment from Anonymous, it is just fine and I suspect someone is commenting who doesn't normally comment on blogs and so doesn't have an account and they don't realize they can leave a name.

Then there are the ones that leave zingers. It happens often enough that when I see an anonymous comment, I steal myself for a unsatisfying (at least) interaction.

Today was one of those days. On my post about using donor eggs before we conceived I got this:

It is not the OB's place to push anyone into seeing an RE. It is only their place to provide information but the patient must pay the price for how they proceed.

I am not sure why you would say that western medicine let you down. Eastern medicine did not create the baby you currently have. If you left it to eastern medicine you would never have a baby.

You should thank western medicine and the American doctors and state of the art modern technology that gave you this precious little girl. Had you decided to rely on them much sooner, instead of proceeding down the natural path, you may have had the genetic child you wanted.

My husband is an RE for a notable clinic in NYC and he hears the common thread of women who abhor western medicine and have insisted on natural means to become pregnant only to run to him when they turn 40. Then they are only too eager to inject themselves with the "toxic" medicine they refused for years to get their baby. They leave pregnant by their eggs or donor eggs but are usually still proponents of the eastern medicine that gave them no baby. It is ironic and so ungrateful.


It is so unsatisfying because there is no place to respond with a rebuttal. This comment isn't really that bad, but if this person read much of the rest of my blog she would know that:

  • This was a vent post.
  • I adore my RE and my OB - clearly I don't fault them that much
  • I was in denial about our chances of conceiving again after Ernest. My OB might have helped me move on more quickly precisely because I like and respect him so much.
  • Trying Eastern medicine did not keep me from going to an RE - fear did. I didn't go down a 'natural path'. I did IUI for a year. Not a good course for our situation, but again, I was in denial. I used Eastern medicine in conjunction with Western (IVF).
  • What is wrong with being disappointed / angry that Western medicine didn't have a better solution for me?
  • If this person was so bent out of shape that I was angry, why didn't she care that I was also angry at our dead son?
I haven't really talked about this - but I think there is a place for both Western and Eastern medicine. Just because their paradigms are different, doesn't mean one is true and one is false. Western medicine tries to link a single cause to a single solution. Eastern looks at the whole person which is much harder to test scientifically, but I think will prove to be beneficial in the long run.

Well, that feels a bit more satisfying. Thanks for listening.

9 comments:

Lorraine said...

It is hard to engage in an actual conversation about anything from an anonymous source. There are so many different sides to this issue that a real look at the various ways women view medicine in general is always an interesting debate. I've noticed that anonymous commenters on popular blogs usually just get trashed - the readership is already on the side of the writer, so there isn't much chance of anything else. Too bad your anonymous wouldn't come out and participate.

As for me, I still have no idea if my latest IVF was successful because of the acupuncture or the stim protocol- and probably won't ever know! Just glad I did both...

Sky said...

I've had some anonymous comments - thankfully relatively good (so far anyway :)

I've used acupuncture and visualization (which I think I posted about) though I'm still strongly in the science camp.

I'll admit that I know several women in my department that did IVF (one in her early 40's I'm just positive used donor eggs but I can't prove it - I have to post about this :) with no "eastern" philosophies whatsoever and succeeded and I incorporated some more holistic stuff and didn't succeed. But I would still do acupuncture because there are studies in favor of increased blood flow to the uterus (even CCRM is pro acupuncture and they're very science-centric).

Ryan's Mommy said...

You know what? Screw that commenter. You don't have to defend your own infertility struggle. You did what you felt was right. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Period. And now you have the baby you were meant to have.

Would that everyone had a crystal ball so we'd know what would work and what wouldn't. But the fact is, only time and trial and error will tell.

Anonymous said...

You are right that I do not have an account but I book marked your page in case you replied to the comment log and you did more than that.

I did not mean to offend you but your bias in favor of Eastern medicine is unbalanced and unsubstantiated. For example, you again stated you are angry that Western medicine did not have a better solution for you but you neglect to voice any anger with Eastern medicine for providing NO solution. At least Western medicine gave you a beautiful little girl and I know Eastern medicine would not have matched you with a donor, provided medications and cultivated your blastocysts for transfer.

Many of my husbands patients follow Eastern medicine but not most and he is in a practice with success rates in the top 5 in the country, so I do not think it is the meditation that is doing the trick. He knows of no one who has relied on Eastern medicine to successfully address their PCOS, fallopian tube blockage, endometriosis, uterine septum defects, Asherman's and too many other conditions to list. You can thank Western medicine for addressing all of those without a single herbal remedy or Jivamukti class.

Collectively, top notch fertility centers have produced millions of babies in otherwise infertile women without the assistance of Eastern medicine. How many babies have been born to women suffering documented infertility using Eastern medicine without the assistance of Western?

I would hope your anger was in reverse, or at least more balanced.

Tracy said...

That's the problem with so many "anonymous" comments. They take so much out of context.

Glad you were able to respond...

battynurse said...

I know what you mean about how an anonymous comment doesn't allow you to "reply" to the commenter.
I do think you're right that both eastern and western medicine can go very well together.

Redne Dab said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kami said...

Anonymous - I don't have a bias in favor of Eastern medicine. I expected them both to fulfill different roles.

I hoped Western medicine (IUI and IVF) would help us overcome our MFI.

I hoped both would help us increase our chances and have a live baby with both our genes.

Both failed to help - at least help enough.

I am also grateful to both. Using DE helped us have a baby. Acupuncture and other alternative treatments helped me feel like I had some control when I desperately needed it.

Lisa DG said...

You know what? This is YOUR blog. It is your life and your story. Don't give another thought about her comments. If you can't vent here, what is the point?

It is our priviledge to be on this journey with you, listening and offering words of comfort or encouragement. That's all. At least that is how I see it.