Monday, February 9, 2009

Stillness

A few days ago, I got off work at 4:00 to a fussy, sleepy and hungry baby. I quickly shut down my laptop, scooped her up from the babysitter and sat down on the couch to feed her. She nursed and then drifted off to a sound sleep. And by "sound" sleep, I mean a nap that I know could last more than an hour as long as I didn't disturb Her Nibs. Our little LB is a light sleeper and if she sleeps for only 5 to 10 minutes and then wakes up she will think she had a great nap until she gets cranky again - about 20 minutes later.

Knowing that I would be sitting there for at least an hour - maybe two, I started looking around for one of the books I have been reading. I could see two of them, but both were out of reach. Fine. Can I reach my laptop and get caught up on some of the blogs I follow? Nope - further than the books. Hmmm . . . what to do, what to do? This was going to be a long, boring couple of hours.

I let my eyes roam around the room looking for some kind of distraction and noticed the sun setting out the window. Beautiful. We haven't seen the sun much lately. Then I realized - I don't need a distraction, I need this - stillness. This time to myself that I have been longing for. Usually, when I have some time lately I am always trying to get caught up on things, feeling always behind and in a rush.

I had nothing I could do. Just sit. Not wait, just sit. I sat letting my thoughts come and go as they may, not focusing on anything for very long. I noticed the shadows changing as the room around me darkened with the setting sun, the weight and warmth of LB in my arms, the trees soon to be covered in leaves again. I admit I even spent a few minutes fantasizing about getting pregnant easily. What I didn't do is think about things I needed to get done or judge myself for dreaming about something I won't get.

It was a nice hour and a half. I was almost sad when Brad came home, the dog went crazy and LB woke up. But then it is always nice to get to say, "Daddy's home!"

For other Perfect Moments for this Monday, click on over to Lori's blog.

11 comments:

Lisa said...

Sounds like a perfect afternoon to me!!

Lori said...

Oh, how blissful. Isn't it odd how we almost have to be cornered in order to enjoy moments of shouldlessness?

Beautiful, Kami.

Sky said...

Vegging for 90 minutes and just day dreaming is an awesome thing to do. Given I don't have a child, I do it plenty often (and love it).

Listen, I am not known for blowing smoke up people's behinds and though I wouldn't bet the ranch you will get pregnant on your own, I wouldn't be SHOCKED if I read some day that you got a positive pregnancy test. Not because all you needed was "to relax" - Ugh! Not at all. But because it's NOT impossible. If you're still ovulating and still having sex and your fallopian tubes are not blocked, umm....well, it becomes a game of statistical probabilities. It is always very possible that two years from now, on a particular mid cycle in April, you have sex (just for the hell of it, with no procreation in mind - go figure!) and it happens to be the month a chromosomally normal egg is kicked out by an ovary that meets a little champ on his way up the tube and voila!

Again, I know those stats go down DRAMATICALLY after 40 to the point of, don't hold your breath (and you haven't - ala LB) but they're certainly not impossible.

I say this sincerely: if it's between you and I - I hope it happens to you, because I know it would mean something astronomically greater to you than it ever would to me.

RJ said...

Again, I could have written this post (of course, not as beautifully). . . I was describing the stillness of the needy baby last night. It might have sounded like I was complaining (the only way I could get M to nap was to have him on my chest). Instead, we both sighed at how fast he is growing up and how limited those opportunities will be :)
RJ

Miss Conception said...

Sometimes we meditate without the intent to do so. I am so pleased that you found some stillness.
Thank you for your very thoughtful comment about telling my friend.

Geohde said...

That's just lovely. :)

J

Coming2Terms said...

Stillness is a good (and scarce thing) in 2009. Glad you were able to indulge in it...sounds delightful.

singletracey said...

That was a beautiful moment. There are far too few of those stillness moments ...

wifethereof said...

LOve those moments.

I wanted to let you know that I'm going to start blogging again and go to invite only because people IRL might find it. Send me an email if you still want to keep reading. wifethereof@yahoo.com

Frenchie said...

Wonderful, Kami. I think we all could use this as a reminder that stillness and time spent with our own thoughts is just as important as time spent on any of the many distractions we feel we "must" do. Lovely.

Kay said...

I have to say that sounds like an awesome day. Having a 2 year old tearing around the house at top speeds most of the day, Nap time is a moment of bliss.. and yes even though he is 2 I love for him to nap on my lap when he will. I am so happy for your magic moments with LB!