Friday, April 24, 2009

You can have one for free!

I love my sister's mother in law. She is loud, full of energy, a good cook and Vietnamese. The last part is cool because I hope LB will grow up speaking Vietnamese if I get her around her uncle and his family enough. Once a month they have a family dinner and we often invite ourselves are invited. I think my BIL's parents would have us over more often, but I'm not sure my sister likes it. The family is always pestering her to have kids, but she doesn't want any. When I am there, it is probably worse. More than once she has looked at me and LB, looked at her and said, "You can have one for free!"

It is strange to think of getting a baby for free. Sure, they aren't really ever free long term, but the conception would be free for all of us in a perfect world. Sometimes I can't get my mind around it. Did they really just have sex and nine months later have a baby? Wow. Tell me again how that works?

The other day I was wondering through Costco. It is a great place to shop except it has the ability to make you think you suddenly need something you never knew existed before that moment. That day I was feeling a bit cynical as I looked at the $1300 jungle gym and thought, "Who can afford those things?" and suddenly realized I could buy that instead of trying for a sibiling. In fact, I could buy LB four of them for the cost of my upcoming FET cycle (15% chance of success). I could send her to a few years of private school for the cost of the fresh cycle that is likely to happen next. When I started thinking about what I could have done with the $65,000 we spent on LB's conception I decided I was quickly getting myself in a funk and put it out of my mind.

Today, with another precycle physical looming in just 45 minutes, I wonder if it is worth it. Right after LB was born, I thought we should give ourselves two or three tries instead of just one. Now I am going the other way and thinking that one kid might be more than enough. It's not that I don't want a sibling. It isn't even really the money. It is going through it all again.

I keep trying to keep my emotions light about it. It would be great if it works, but if it doesn't we already have a child. But it is hard to separate the process from old emotions, never mind new ones.

I think I will be ok with one kid. I know I will be ok if that is how it works out. I just don't want to find myself five years from now wishing we had tried harder. I also don't want to put it off and see how I feel later. None of us are getting any younger and I want to be able to put trying to conceive behind us sooner than later.

Well, I am off for a fun filled five minutes where I get to see the inside of my uterus for a mere $500. Wish me luck! Wee.


Geohde said...

Free babies? Yes, seems odd to me, too. As for the sibling thing, I hear you,


Panamahat said...

I'll have one of those free ones, as long as you're passing them around! In fact, can I order two for the 'price' of one?

I can imagine the sorts of feelings this impending cycle is bringing up for you. Wishing you some peace and quiet in your mind and heart along with success in your womb!

Sara said...

I am right there with you. Mid-cycle in my "last" cycle in an attempt for #2, and already questioning both the decision to do this cycle, and also the decision to stop after this one. It is SO hard making these choices. If we knew the outcome, then it would be easy, but throwing good money after bad is just galling.

Good luck with the scan today.

Free kids. Sigh. That would be nice.

battynurse said...

Wouldn't free babies be wonderful? I want one. I know that I have done a lot of think about how much I've spent so far and how much I would need to come up with to try again. Then the idea of going through all of that again even with a donor and all just makes me tired.

Me said...

The Man and I didn't pursue IVF over the last few years because of the cost. One of my friends knew this. Then one day last year, out of the blue, she sent me a link to the website with some bland one-liner about how we could "do that". I wrote back explaining what shared risk is and the costs involved. The last sentence of the email said something to the effect that we "missed the boat on free babies". I never got a response back. :/

MrsSpock said...

Our son didn't cost so much moneywise, but the physical toll it took on me was huge. One of the reasons adoption looks interesting to me, is the cost in both money and wait-time seem less terrible than the physical cost of weaning off my pain meds, enduring being off them during the TTC phase, that can last who knows how long, enduring being off them during what will likely be a very painful pregnancy, and then making the emotionally painful decision whether to try and breastfeed or just go back on the meds. And it's all just a bunch of Ick.

MrsSpock said...

And now that I've written that it suddenly dawns on me why I've been in no hurry this year to lose weight and be "baby-ready" again.

Lorraine said...

Yep, on all counts. I think putting in the effort for a sibling is worth it, though, just so you won't always look back and wonder if you should have.

I wish I had done that earlier in the process, back when I was trying to just accept things as they were. But now, I'm just tired of it all. The idea that I could just move on and enjoy the wonderful things I do have is so appealing!

Anonymous said...

It's like you're writing from my brain. I am contemplating all the same thoughts as I dread Day 1 of our next round. I'd love for my daughter (via IVF) to have a sibling but don't know that I can handle the sress of it all again. Just writing to say you are not alone. Best of luck.