This is new for me. I don't ever remember in our 40 or so cycles (from trying on our own through IUI and IVF) ever wanting to not POAS. Occasionally I get the urge, but then I realize I don't really want to know any more than I already to that it will be a bust this cycle.
I tested with FMU at 11 dpo. That was Thursday and it was a BFN. I think it is likely, although not certain, if this cycle was going to work we would have had a positive then. My gut feeling is also telling me that there is not a chance I am pregnant. I am as certain I am not pregnant this time as I was certain I was pregnant after with our third IVF. Of course, I was wrong then.
It is that tiny bit of hope that is keeping away from the HPT's. It is nice to still have a little bit of hope. If it weren't for the PIO shots, I wouldn't even go in for the beta tomorrow. I would just wait until AF showed. That is another luxury not allowed the infertile.
I am bummed, but not terribly so. As I keep saying, we have a delightful child we get to raise. I don't feel the desperation I felt before LB. Still, it would have been nice to get pregnant easily for a change. It would have been nice to not be contemplating adding another $25,000 or so to our debt which, besides the house, is the remaining debt from our first 5 IVF cycles.
Oh, that sounds so "poor me". It isn't meant to. We can still choose to call it good and not try for a sibling. We had some fun dreaming and shopping for a larger house if this cycle had worked. It was nice to be PUPO for a bit. Besides, it's summer.
Emphasis added by DH.
#Microblog Monday 513: Interesting Advice
15 hours ago
6 comments:
Kami, I know what you mean about wanting to preserve hope. In some twisted way, I guess, that's why I test so damned early. Intellectually, I know there is no way I would see two lines on 2dp5dt, but I like to not only see the negative and get used to that feeling 'cause I would feel the let-down on beta day much easier with that in my pocket but as the days pass, it's always been harder to then test because a negative can squash the hope and who needs that?
If nothing else, some hope for a while feels good - and you just never know. Onwards and sideways had a negative the day before beta - yikes! and still came up with a positive beta so I'm never quite so sure anymore.
Best of luck to you tomorrow - whether this round or the one to follow.
FWIW, on my two BFP's, I was completely surprised and convinced it would be negative. In fact, you might remember for the first one I only found out b/c I went in for CD3 blood work to start up the next cycle.
Crossing fingers for you!
I hope that gut feeling is wrong. I know I spent an entire week crying and refusing to pee on sticks when I was pregnant with J, since I felt my body was just mocking me.
Just saw your comment on my blog regarding the Dollar Store tests. Okay, I know some folks have had success with these but both last year and this year when I was getting two lines on FRER and The Answer, I have gotten whitey-white-white sticks on the Dollar Store ones. I don't care what they saw about their sensitivity, I'm just not buying it.
I mean, you saw it for yourself on my site. Ugh!
LB's little brother or sister is out there - whether this cycle or next, that little spirit is out there!
Thinking of you and still hoping that your gut feeling is wrong. Hugs to you.
I truly hope that your gut feeling is wrong, but I completely understanding the need to prepare yourself. The process is so difficult.
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