Tuesday, March 9, 2010

The Home Stretch

I am 39 weeks and 2 days along today.  If my OB and midwife are correct, in all likelihood this baby will stay content in his/her current home until closer to the 41 week mark.  But of course, we all know that statistics are great when looking at a group, but not so great when it comes down to looking at an individual.

With that in mind, we are doing our best to prepare ourselves and our home.  For better or worse, in the Kami and Brad household, that means not a whole lot has been done.  LB has transitioned to having Daddy put her to sleep at night and we have a toddler bed along our bed which she has used for 2 - 1/2 nights (waking up and crawling into bed with us in the wee morning hours) and 1 full night. Such a big girl!

Unfortunately, that is the extend of our preparedness.  Oh, wait!  We ordered the liner for the birthing pool and it has arrived.  Diapers?  Nope!  Nursery?  Well, LB never got one so I don't expect to have one for LBII.  We also don't have other home birth supplies, or infant clothes / receiving blankets washed.  Names picked out?   Not yet, but we have time for that.  We do have some onsies and such that LB used and Brad, being the romantic that he is, took it upon himself to get one outfit for baby II so that, "he or she can have at least one outfit that his just his or hers."  It never occurred to me to do this.  That's reason number 342 why I love him so much.

I also had a lovely baby shower (and got some more cute clothes!) which was something I was afraid to do with LB.  I didn't want to have to rid my house of too many baby things if she died.  I am more willing to risk it this time and I have more faith that it will work out.  Not that there are any guarantees.

That leaves mentally preparing for the birth and for having two kids (hopefully) after the birth.  The latter is easy in a way because it will work out whether I am ready or not.  There are moments when I am looking forward to it and there are moments when I am scared of the impact another infant will have.  This 42 year old body is feeling it's age right now. The former sometimes scares me - I want it to work out closer to the way I envisioned the first two births working out so badly.  Then there are times I feel I am doing all that I can toward that goal and, again, there are just guarantees, so I am trying to be open to all possible paths.*

I had been feeling like I am in the two week wait from hell (not that it is as bad as the fertility treatment 2 week waits) and then last week I caught a nasty cold / possible sinus infection. Suddenly I can wait for labor because I don't have the energy right now.  I need to get over whatever this is first.  This is the 9th day and my OB just called in an antibiotic prescription just in case it is a bacterial sinus infection.  I am pretty sure I will give it a try.  Not too much harm done if it is viral and I would love to feel better and sleep better at night.

If I don't get another post in before labor, I will at least post when that starts.  It's crazy to think that I could suddenly find myself birthing our second and final kid and then we will be a family of four.

Oh! That reminds me of a couple stories from my last visit with my therapist.  I had booked an appointment in hopes that I could work out any issues that may impede me mentally while in labor with LBII.  I was telling KJ (therapist) that I wasn't convinced that LB needed to be born by cesarean - maybe a different mental state could have changed the outcome.  Before telling me that I should just let that go - it is what it is and it was likely needed - she had me pretend I was sitting across from myself a few years ago.  I was sobbing and nearly convinced I was never going to have a child.  The memory carries enough grief that I started crying - nearly sobbing.  Then KJ said, "Now tell yourself, 'The next thing you are going to worry about is whether or not you needed that c-section.'"  And then I was laughing through my tears.  Yeah, I got the baby.  It's a wonderful thing and the c-section seems trivial compared to that.

Then, to just illustrate what a thoughtful and compassionate therapist I have, KJ had me sneak out of the office.  Really.  I quickly ducked into the bathroom across the hall as she greeted her next client - her body blocking any view of mine as she did so.  After the client was brought back into the office, I quickly made my way out of the building.

Why the stealthy exit?  KJ just remembered she was about to see another infertility patient who desperately wants to be pregnant and didn't want her to see my big belly.  Before the subterfuge, I gave KJ a big hug to give to her next client.  Not that KJ could tell her that it came from someone else, not that it would really make a difference; but I hoped, somehow, her next client might feel that she is a little less alone.

*Ha!  Rereading this I discovered this is a lie.  I am really not open to a hospital and/or cesarean birth.  Intellectually, I know that can happen, but I am not open to it.


MrsSpock said...

I can't believe it's about time...

I probably have such opposite feelings about my c-section because the problems were definable and J's distress was real and not open to interpretation. And I've ended up with the opposite feelings about VBAC and homebirth. While I think it's fine for another woman, I am not in any way open to either for me. It's weird how I've done a 180.

Sara said...

Best of luck, Kami. It's so exciting that LBII will soon be here. I hope that the grand entrance is the final fulfillment of your birthing dream.

It's so exciting that the time is almost here!

(In totally unrelated news, I had a dream about you the other day. In the dream, I ran into you somewhere--details vague; it was a dream--and introduced you and LB to dh. After you left, and I told him that you had LB with DE, he decided that DE would be a great choice for us too, because LB is so fantastic.)

Frenchie said...

So excited for you! So glad to hear from you. Please take the antibiotics. I have been very sick during my pg with sinus stuff and I had a horrible sinus infection at one point that I had to take not one but two antibiotics for before I beat it. Ugh. So I know how miserable you feel right now. You are going to need all your strength for labor!! I hope and pray you get the labor and delivery experience of your dreams. And I love your therapist. She sounds wonderful.

Lavender Luz said...

I can't believe it's almost time!

May you get the experience you've sought. I hope all goes smoothly for you and LB2.

Your therapist is a gem.

Big Love, Big Acceptance - or so I say said...

Hi there! Thanks for your note on my blog. I appreciate your support in encouraging me to take care of myself. I didn't end up going to the friend's house on Sun. night, and I'm skipping out on a late b-day dinner for one of my husband's friend. I had a rough day at work and couldn't imagine sitting through dinner w/ mostly strangers. And wondering if someone I didn't really know asked me how was doing, how my day went, if I would say well... I'm thinking about what to do w/ my baby girl's ashes. How about you? I feel a bit guilty for bailing on my husband, but I just couldn't go. And I know he gets it, even if he's disappointed.

ON another note - I hope the last few weeks of pregnancy go well! I hear ya on the home birth vs. hospital birth (at least in how I understand them). I was planning a home birth with Acacia, but when she was measuring small at 34 weeks, we had to change plans to a hospital birth. And then I was upset that I was told I needed to be induced. All of my "birth plans" went out the window. But at the end of the day, I think a healthy baby is most important, AND this is my birth experience too. Of course I want it to go how I want it to go! I remember friends and family "encouraging" me before Acacia was born that all that mattered was a healthy baby at the end of the day. It wasn't ALL that mattered to me. Maybe I'm selfish?

Thanks for letting me share. I realize this little rant is much more about me than you.

I hope your birth is everything you want.

Lisa DG said...

Kami- I am so happy that you have gotten to this point. It really is a cross roads. I feel honored to be walking in your path, albeit behind you. I have gotten so much from you and our blog relationship.

May your birth story with LBII be smooth and easy- and just how you picture it (if only life was like that). Know that you pass on your legacy to the world through your children. The world is forever changed by their presence and they learn about the world through you and Brad.

This will be one lucky baby.

I'll be thinking positive thoughts for you and wearing lucky socks...

Lorraine said...

I am selfishly just so happy to hear that I am not the only almost-due pregnant woman without diapers in the house! I have diaper covers, though...

I wish you a lovely, easy birth. I agree that it in the long run the focus should just be on having the child, but after dealing with infertility it really does seem like an good pregnancy and/or good birth experience can make up for some of the body/fate/random bad luck resentment that builds up.

Lots of good wishes to you!

Leah and Maya said...

I would say just be like the other scum of our twon and just steal diapers fromt he hospital but you are the crazy girl who want s to do it at home! just kidding. REally hope your PLAN works out this time but still a live healthy baby is all that matters in the end. we are freezing this morning but did you see next week? 60's!!!!!!! talk to you soon.

Anonymous said...

OMG! I can't believe you are in week 49! Of course you won't be there for this month's meeting. I'm so lost time-wise.

I'd love to get the actual name of your therapist - email me if you are open to sharing this. I love how sensitive she was to the IF patient (which could be me!) - I'm so tired of feeling bad all the time.

Anyway, good luck with the birth, no matter what happens! I'm hopeful you get the delivery you want. Thinking of you!

Bee Cee said...

Oh my word, it's nearly time Kami! So excited for you all. Hope it goes really smoothly. I'm 31 weeks today, why does time go so slowly and then speed up to a pace that almost feels too quick?!

Thinking of you.

Me said...

I can NOT wait for you to be a mother of two. I am sure it will be hard but I know your heart and your soul will be up to the challenge!

Sarah said...

I hope you get all you want from this birth experience!

battynurse said...

Wow, you are getting close. I hope it all goes as planned and you get the birth experience you want. Thinking of you all.

B said...

Best wishes Kami.

I hope this works out well for you and yours.

Thinking of you over the coming weeks.

love B

Anonymous said...

I can not believe it is almost time for LBII to arrive! wow it goes fast. You know I read often as I know you do for me and I appreciate your support.. through everything!