The Home Stretch

I am 39 weeks and 2 days along today.  If my OB and midwife are correct, in all likelihood this baby will stay content in his/her current home until closer to the 41 week mark.  But of course, we all know that statistics are great when looking at a group, but not so great when it comes down to looking at an individual.

With that in mind, we are doing our best to prepare ourselves and our home.  For better or worse, in the Kami and Brad household, that means not a whole lot has been done.  LB has transitioned to having Daddy put her to sleep at night and we have a toddler bed along our bed which she has used for 2 - 1/2 nights (waking up and crawling into bed with us in the wee morning hours) and 1 full night. Such a big girl!

Unfortunately, that is the extend of our preparedness.  Oh, wait!  We ordered the liner for the birthing pool and it has arrived.  Diapers?  Nope!  Nursery?  Well, LB never got one so I don't expect to have one for LBII.  We also don't have other home birth supplies, or infant clothes / receiving blankets washed.  Names picked out?   Not yet, but we have time for that.  We do have some onsies and such that LB used and Brad, being the romantic that he is, took it upon himself to get one outfit for baby II so that, "he or she can have at least one outfit that his just his or hers."  It never occurred to me to do this.  That's reason number 342 why I love him so much.

I also had a lovely baby shower (and got some more cute clothes!) which was something I was afraid to do with LB.  I didn't want to have to rid my house of too many baby things if she died.  I am more willing to risk it this time and I have more faith that it will work out.  Not that there are any guarantees.

That leaves mentally preparing for the birth and for having two kids (hopefully) after the birth.  The latter is easy in a way because it will work out whether I am ready or not.  There are moments when I am looking forward to it and there are moments when I am scared of the impact another infant will have.  This 42 year old body is feeling it's age right now. The former sometimes scares me - I want it to work out closer to the way I envisioned the first two births working out so badly.  Then there are times I feel I am doing all that I can toward that goal and, again, there are just guarantees, so I am trying to be open to all possible paths.*

I had been feeling like I am in the two week wait from hell (not that it is as bad as the fertility treatment 2 week waits) and then last week I caught a nasty cold / possible sinus infection. Suddenly I can wait for labor because I don't have the energy right now.  I need to get over whatever this is first.  This is the 9th day and my OB just called in an antibiotic prescription just in case it is a bacterial sinus infection.  I am pretty sure I will give it a try.  Not too much harm done if it is viral and I would love to feel better and sleep better at night.

If I don't get another post in before labor, I will at least post when that starts.  It's crazy to think that I could suddenly find myself birthing our second and final kid and then we will be a family of four.

Oh! That reminds me of a couple stories from my last visit with my therapist.  I had booked an appointment in hopes that I could work out any issues that may impede me mentally while in labor with LBII.  I was telling KJ (therapist) that I wasn't convinced that LB needed to be born by cesarean - maybe a different mental state could have changed the outcome.  Before telling me that I should just let that go - it is what it is and it was likely needed - she had me pretend I was sitting across from myself a few years ago.  I was sobbing and nearly convinced I was never going to have a child.  The memory carries enough grief that I started crying - nearly sobbing.  Then KJ said, "Now tell yourself, 'The next thing you are going to worry about is whether or not you needed that c-section.'"  And then I was laughing through my tears.  Yeah, I got the baby.  It's a wonderful thing and the c-section seems trivial compared to that.

Then, to just illustrate what a thoughtful and compassionate therapist I have, KJ had me sneak out of the office.  Really.  I quickly ducked into the bathroom across the hall as she greeted her next client - her body blocking any view of mine as she did so.  After the client was brought back into the office, I quickly made my way out of the building.

Why the stealthy exit?  KJ just remembered she was about to see another infertility patient who desperately wants to be pregnant and didn't want her to see my big belly.  Before the subterfuge, I gave KJ a big hug to give to her next client.  Not that KJ could tell her that it came from someone else, not that it would really make a difference; but I hoped, somehow, her next client might feel that she is a little less alone.

*Ha!  Rereading this I discovered this is a lie.  I am really not open to a hospital and/or cesarean birth.  Intellectually, I know that can happen, but I am not open to it.