Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Another Quick Update

I am last, but wanted to say that the meeting with Belinda, our egg donor, was uneventful - which I think is a good thing.  LB played with the barista and didn't seem that interested in Belinda, but a week later was talking about her.  I was a bit nervous because I am never really sure if I am going to feel threatened or not and Belinda was a bit nervous because she was afraid I would judge her for some recent life choices.  I wasn't threatened - although a little contemplative about who we are - and I certainly didn't judge Belinda. We vowed to get together more often and I hope we will.  I want any relationship our daughters might want to have with their genetic contributor to be easy and I think the key to that is an easy relationship between her and me.

I have also recently been published!  In Adoptive Families magazine, I have an article that combines a couple of my blog posts about going the DE route. I have to say, I am pretty excited.  Unfortunately, it doesn't not seem to be available online.  If you want the looooong version of the story, you can go to this post and then this one.

For those of you who might be finding me for the first time due to the article, I would like to say that I am not as sad about using DE as I once was.  If I think about how we were finally able to have children, I still feel a loss and a sense of failure, but those feelings stem from every single cycle - assisted or not - that failed and the hell that we went through.  Yes, I also still wonder if having been successful with my eggs would have been a sort of vindication, but that will never happen and I rarely think about it.

Our girls are wonderful little human beings and I hope they will have long, happy lives.  I think about what genetics mean (Would having Brad's grandmother's wedding ring mean anything to them?  Would having my grandmother's wedding ring mean the same?), but for the most part it is just a fact of their conception.  They are who they are and I am the person who gets to be their mother. 

5 comments:

LisainSK said...

Thanks for your DE perspective on the "other side". Currently 19 weeks pg with DE...can't wait to be a mommy!!

Leah and Maya said...

I had hoped that when you talked to the editor or whatever she was you would be able to read the artical online. Forgot to take the cloth diaper you were done with, already seperated out everything else, so excited, so nervous, so scared, and hate not being in control!

Summer said...

Glad to hear the meeting with Belinda was uneventful. Especially that you didn't feel threatened by her. We may also have the opportunity soon to meet with what had been our anonymous donor. We are just corresponding with her right now via email and I was afraid some of the things we get to know about her would make me feel threatened. But I think the fact that I have TK already and helps me feel more secure about who is the mom. Whereas if I had met her before the donation or before TK was born, I might have had different reactions.

Sara said...

Congratulations! How fantastic that your wise words have been published. I wish that I could see the article on-line, but I'll try to chase down a print copy.

Glad that the meeting with Belinda lacked drama. I wonder how your relationship changes as time passes and LB's (and LBII's) conception becomes a more distant memory.

Lavender Luz said...

I've kept this in my Reader, waiting for my issue to arrive so I can mention it, but I'm tired of waiting.

AF eventually does put the articles online -- check in mid-March or so.

How exciting for you! I'm going to parade it around and squawk to everyone that I know you!