I am last, but wanted to say that the meeting with Belinda, our egg donor, was uneventful - which I think is a good thing. LB played with the barista and didn't seem that interested in Belinda, but a week later was talking about her. I was a bit nervous because I am never really sure if I am going to feel threatened or not and Belinda was a bit nervous because she was afraid I would judge her for some recent life choices. I wasn't threatened - although a little contemplative about who we are - and I certainly didn't judge Belinda. We vowed to get together more often and I hope we will. I want any relationship our daughters might want to have with their genetic contributor to be easy and I think the key to that is an easy relationship between her and me.
I have also recently been published! In Adoptive Families magazine, I have an article that combines a couple of my blog posts about going the DE route. I have to say, I am pretty excited. Unfortunately, it doesn't not seem to be available online. If you want the looooong version of the story, you can go to this post and then this one.
For those of you who might be finding me for the first time due to the article, I would like to say that I am not as sad about using DE as I once was. If I think about how we were finally able to have children, I still feel a loss and a sense of failure, but those feelings stem from every single cycle - assisted or not - that failed and the hell that we went through. Yes, I also still wonder if having been successful with my eggs would have been a sort of vindication, but that will never happen and I rarely think about it.
Our girls are wonderful little human beings and I hope they will have long, happy lives. I think about what genetics mean (Would having Brad's grandmother's wedding ring mean anything to them? Would having my grandmother's wedding ring mean the same?), but for the most part it is just a fact of their conception. They are who they are and I am the person who gets to be their mother.
The Thing I’ve Been Waiting to Tell You
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