Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Infertility cuts deep

A more lighthearted title might be, "Maybe I'm not a freak after all."

I am referring to my recent trip disappointment. I am very touched by everyone's understanding. Leah even called me from Guatemala (Leah is adopting an angel - it hasn't been easy- from there and is also the person who introduced me to Belinda). Thanks Leah!

What has really hit home is out raw the wounds of infertility are and how long they take to heal. I know hormones likely played a part, but I am also convinced it is those woulds from years of infertility that can make it hard to deal with disappointment. It was (somewhat) trivial, but it struck so deeply. The fact that so many of you understood and could relate just proves that I am not alone and this is another shared experience of infertility.

Thank you also to my IRL friends who really understood too.

Right now Brad and I continue to look at options. One of our options is just to bite the financial bullet and go there anyway. Compared to IF treatments, it is chump change, but still a lot more than we could normally justify. I don't think we will choose this option, but just thinking about it has helped. I think I am letting myself down more easily.

There is also the slightest chance that the customer will push again - to the end of March and Brad might get that trip. We will see how it goes.

As for Winter, I am sure we aren't the only region getting more than our usual amount of snow and cold temperatures. Check out this depressing forecast.

The good news is that the days are now increasing by more than three minutes each day. Do you think I'll make it? And if I survive, will Brad survive putting up with me?


Lori said...

You will both make it. :-)

I am eager for Spring, too.

Familyof2 said...

I am more than convinced that by the early spring you will have survived yet another depressing winter duldrum!

Foreverhopeful said...

Hi Kami,

Spring is just around the corner. :) Sorry to hear about your trip. I'm learning more and more how much damage infertility has caused us in so many ways. Its amazing that it can creep up on us when we least expect it. I'm sure all our wounds will heal with time (slowly but surely...)

Glad to see everything is going well with your pregnancy.

Amber Halpin said...

Hey girlie,

I completely understand! Sometimes we just NEED something (like a break, vacation, nap, chocolate bar, etc.). You don't have to justify it to anyone!! Just try to find something else that can at least "compensate" for the time being... Make your hubby take you someplace extra special for Valentines Day!


Amber Halpin

lady in waiting said...

Ugh, I know exactly how you feel! I really wanted a "baby moon" trip too, but now it looks like I'll be on modified bedrest for the remainder of my pregnancy, so no trip :( The sun would have been lovely! So sorry for you disappointment!! Feel better.

Rachel said...

I hear you! While my East Coast laugh in my face when I complain, the unending cold has really been getting me down. For some reason this year, the cold just feels so brutal in light of work and getting to baby challenges. It's been a hard winter... we're having sun at least for a few days here, I think I'm going to go sit on our roof for a while and soak in a little Vitamin D.

I think your therapist hit the nail on the head when she said you are grieving. I understand how it anchors itself on something that may seem trivial... I've been there.

Sunshine and spring are just around the corner. Hang in there!

Frenchie said...

I completely understand the SADD thing. I get it, too. (Luckily, the sun is shining where I am now, after 2 solid weeks of rain.)

You guys will both make it...

And, someway you guys will get some time away. The universe has way of working those things out, I'm convinced.

Flo said...

Winter seems endless in February, doesn't it? Spring is just around the corner though, you will make it! Hang in there!

Glad to know the baby is doing well. Did you find out the sex (or did I read over that?)?