Midwife appt # 3: 21 weeks and 5 days

First of all I want to thank everyone for your sympathy regarding the canceled trip. I know it is a really small thing so it is especially nice to be understood. For those of you who rolled your eyes in disgust - thank you for not posting your thoughts.

Crazy or not, I have been crying for a good part of the day. Yes, it was that disappointing. In frustration, my husband called my therapist and asked her to call me. She said that it was understandable how someone who lives for Spring, is pregnant and sleep deprived would finding it very disappointing. She also brought up (I didn't suggest it) that one of the reasons it hit so hard was because of all the previous disappointments we have had over the last several years. I told her I thought I was depressed. She said I am grieving. It is nice to be understood. It would have been nicer to be packing for the trip this weekend, but what can you do?

Some of you have suggested some kind of mini-vacation. It is a good idea and I think we might look into taking a couple of days off. I'm not sure right now. I know nothing else will compare - I couldn't enjoy the same kind of trip without worrying about the cost if we were paying - but it can't hurt to look into an alternative.

So - the midwife appointment. Because I had obviously been crying, we talked for about 1/2 an hour about losing the trip and some possible alternatives. Cathy understands how much I need some sun and also pointed out how the hormones were probably making my reaction disproportionate. I don't doubt her. I would have been very disappointed, but I don't think I would have been so devastated. We talked a bit more about our lives - Cathy had a tough week too after two difficult births - and generally caught up.

One nice thing about a midwifery appointment vs an OB is that when I found I could eat - because I had calmed down enough - I just went to the kitchen and got something to eat while we continued chatting. That doesn't happen too easily in an OB's office.

When we were done chatting, she took my blood pressure - it was fine. By this point I had calmed down a bit and the emotional drain was making me very sleepy - I think my bp was at an all time low for these appointments. I laid down on the couch and Cathy felt around for the baby. She pointed out I was having a braxton-hicks (sp?) contraction which is normal for this stage. She could tell because my belly was tight. Then she felt around for the head and when she found it helped me feel it too. I could feel something, but to me it could have been just a wad of flesh. Still, it was pretty neat. Then we heard the heartbeat. It took a while to find again because of the anterior placenta, but since I have been feeling the baby move I wasn't nervous. It is nice to hear just the same.

That pretty much wrapped it up. I apologize for errors in grammar, spelling or generally not making sense. I am just exhausted. I hope I sleep well tonight.