Midwife appt # 5: 30 weeks and 5 days

I believe I am starting to get into the routine of things and feeling more comfortable with my identity as a pregnant lady. Last night as I chatted with Cathy (my midwife) I realized I often would sit with my hands on my belly so I could feel the movement in my hands as well as in my body. It was nice to feel a little bit normal in my pregnancy instead of feeling like I don't belong in this sub group.

I still take care not to do the public belly rub thing or behave in ways that might look like I am bragging or showing off my belly. Often I will ask Brad, "Does this shirt look too tight? Does it look like I am showing off?" I also try to wear short or 3/4 length sleeves or otherwise try to expose my Infertility Awareness Bracelet. I doubt there are many people in the area the know what it means, but at least I feel I am doing all I can.

In the comfort of my own home, I will indulge. I may have said this before, but I once had someone say to me, "Oh, I am sooo tired. The baby was moving all night and I couldn't sleep." I can tell you that I still relish every single movement. When the baby is moving at night, I pause to enjoy it. I would gladly lay awake in bed for hours just feeling LB doing whatever it is she does in there. I don't ever want to get used to this feeling. I want it to always be special. Last night, talking to Cathy, I was just sitting there happy to be where I was at.

Soon we got to the meat of the visit. Brad and I got to feel the baby's head, but this time we could feel the back and the rump as well. I really had to push hard to feel the back, so I don't feel comfortable doing it without the midwife. Maybe that will change as time goes on.

Cathy checked for the heartbeat and it sounded good. I asked her if she actually counted the beats and she said that she has a feel for the rhythm. If it doesn't seem quite right then she will actually count/time the beats. So everything is still looking good.

Cathy asked if I have been having any swelling and I haven't had anything to complain about. She asked how I was sleeping and that answer continues to be not very well. I still have nightmares or at least less-than-pleasant vivid dreams every night. I have learned to cope by napping on my lunch break and sleeping all I want on the weekend. I am surviving and I don't really expect it to improve anytime in the near future.

All is well. We will see Dr. Wonderful in just over two weeks and we continue to feel hopeful. We are still not so hopeful that we are willing to bring anything baby related into the house and we rarely discuss names. As far as I am concerned "Little Butterfly" will work just fine between birth and when we come up with a name. I have thought we might have a Naming Ceremony like they do in The Gambia where I was a Peace Corps Volunteer. (typically when the child is one week old - Don't worry, LB, we won't shave your head). We have also asked friends not to plan any baby showers until after LB is born. We may change our minds on these things, I suppose. In the meantime, we are taking it one day at a time and are content to enjoy today.