I am so happy about him making it home tonight, it doesn't seem right to go into the negative experience of my second prenatal yoga class. I'm going to anyway - maybe I will enjoy venting a bit. The short story is that it is extremely unlikely I will go back. I don't blame the instructor or the people in the class. They are just in a different point than I am and as Pamela Jeanne so beautifully pointed out in a recent post - it is easier to be happy with how things are when you aren't reminded about how you wished them to be.
I would like to tell this story by a dialog between me and the instructor. Actually it is the instructor talking about birth and me responding, but only in my mind.
Inst: During active labor, every (emphasis mine) woman will create a ritual that she does during each contraction.
Me: Actually, some of us will be talking to a neonatologist trying to figure out what to do when our baby is born.
Inst: Nursing is a learning curve for both you and your baby. Don't be surprised if it takes some practice and don't be worried if it takes a little bit for your milk to come in.
Me: What do you suggest if your milk comes in, but there is no baby to drink it?
Inst: Studies show that episiotomies aren't necessary. If you don't want one, you should talk to your OB now about her practices.
Me: Are these women really so ignorant about birth and accepted practices? When it comes to labor and delivery, is this really one of the bigger issues on their minds? Ah, if only I was so innocent again.
Inst: This is a good move for when you become overwhelmed during labor.
Me: Overwhelmed? With labor? It might last a day, a week? Let met tell you about being overwhelmed! Try being overwhelmed with the prospect of never having a baby. Let me tell you about be overwhelmed financially! How about years of infertility?! That is overwhelming. As long as I get a live baby out of it, I can survive anything labor and delivery can throw at me.
I will admit that I was not in the best place emotionally during this class. My last thought may have been a bit of an exaggeration because I know I will be very disappointed if I don't have a home birth, but in that moment I just felt like I was the only one in the room who truly understood that babies die and there may not be the opportunity for another. I felt very, very alone. The good news is that I have learned some moves that I can do on my own and I don't need to ever go back.
Back to a positive story, please read this post by StaceyB who recently gave birth to her daughter who was conceived with donated eggs. From someone who probably worries too much about how I will feel when this baby is born, it was a beautiful and reassuring post to read. I just love the last line. I think I have read it half a dozen times and it still brings (happy) tears to my eyes.
11 comments:
I'm glad you found positives from the class, but I can see how having been through what you have would make it difficult to hear some of the instructor's comments.
J
(PS- Thank you for checking up on me on my site, I did get better sleep, but I've achieved it by upping my nifedipine dose rather than things settling down).
I can see why this class may have been upsetting. I think so many people and especially pregnant women in some way know it could happen but don't ever believe it could happen to them. It's much easier to just not think about that aspect of pregnancy. Also if you've never been there before with the IF, you truly don't know how difficult it is. Glad you were able to get some stuff you needed from the class and move on.
I think anyone who has struggled to have children, or has suffered a loss, is robbed of the romance of pregnancy (if indeed a pregnancy ever happens). It's almost like a double whammy.
The innocence of it all is lost because it's been so hard emotionally & physically to get there in the first place.
I hope when the little one arrives, the tough stuff is all a thing of the past. Rooting for you.
Glad your hubby is going to be home soon. Sorry to hear about your yoga instructor. They really should have classes for pregnant women after infertility/miscarriages because its just so different for the rest of us. I loved Stacy's post too.
Y'know, if you can figure out a way to privately make one or more of these points to the instructor, I think you might help a lot of other women in your situation.
I'm not sure of the exact statistics, but for every 100 women who go through the yoga class, there are proabably at least two or three who've had a birth "experience" that makes a mockery of her comments. She could have at least acknowledged that fact.
Only another infertile can truly understand how you feel. I stopped talking about my treatments with fertiles who happen to be old dear friends of mine. They think all my comments and emotions are crazy. Hey, I'm not nuts, I'm just infertile!!!
Glad you're feeling good about your decision. And thanks for the shout out! I'm reminded again and again how each of our experiences with IF (no matter how similar or different) helps us all to wrap our head around the unexpected ups and downs.
Still thinking of you and Baby often. You are an amazing woman...Thank you for sharing your journey...
Loss does change ones perspective doesn't it. Hell, infertility as a whole changes expectation and perspective. Sounds like that woman needs to put herself in the shoes of some one who couldn't do it the "easy" way. Then she can talk about being over whelmed.
Perhaps you weren't alone though...perhaps there was someone else in the room clutching her belly thinking...after 10 years (or however many) I am actually possibly going to bring home a baby...I don't think you were as alone in your thoughts as you thought...
Loss does change ones perspective doesn't it. Hell, infertility as a whole changes expectation and perspective. Sounds like that woman needs to put herself in the shoes of some one who couldn't do it the "easy" way. Then she can talk about being over whelmed.
Perhaps you weren't alone though...perhaps there was someone else in the room clutching her belly thinking...after 10 years (or however many) I am actually possibly going to bring home a baby...I don't think you were as alone in your thoughts as you thought...
I hope Brad is home and you two are having a FABULOUS time hanging out and loving on the baby belly =)
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