Monday, January 26, 2009

We have survived

We did it. LB is no longer an entirely natural kid (as if her conception was natural!). We got two vaccines yesterday - the HIB and the DTaP. Brad wanted to do both and I think the HIB is probably one of the safest ones out there. I was disappointed they didn't have the DTaP shot I was hoping for with only 170 micrograms of aluminum. They had my alternate choice of 330 micrograms aluminum (and I think not grown in cow cells, but I could be wrong on that). It still freaks me out and I was hesitant up until the very end. They had the two shots ready to go on a tray and I was asking Brad, "Are you sure we should do two?" The pediatrician was very supportive and said, "We can just do one." She added we don't need to decide what we will do with the follow up shots . . . just to decide for today on these two.

And we have survived. LB cried during the shots, but I nursed her right afterward and she did ok (I tried during, but she wanted to watch what was going on). She was a bit more fussy than usual the rest of the day and the day after - which is not much at all. Today she seems pretty much herself. The good part is that she slept better that night. The bad part is I had insomnia worrying about her development. Why did the pediatrician want to see her in 2-3 more months when they usually see them (from what I understand) at 6 months and then 12? Did she bring in that laughing doll to see if LB would respond? Does LB not laugh enough for her age? What about the comment about how social she is and babies this age start being afraid of strangers? Is that within normal?

I was awake for two hours. I could not convince myself that she was ok. Parents are the last to realize their kid isn't normal. Finally, I got up and thumbed through What's Going On In There. It should have been reassuring, but it wasn't. Maybe LB is just more subtlety messed up than Ernest. I woke Brad up. He couldn't reassure me either. In the end I just kept repeating, "I love her no matter what." and "We will deal with whatever comes."

Eventually, I got a couple more hours of sleep and the sun came up. LB woke up, laughed and coo'd and acted pretty much like her normal self.

It has convinced me that vaccinations do cause brain damage. Maybe they have had no apparent negative affects on LB, but they sure did a number on me.


Peeveme said...

Good for you. Sorry you had such a hard time with it. Thanks for the book recommendation. It's now on my wish-list.

battynurse said...

Sorry this was such a difficult thing for you. Glad she is feeling better.

Anonymous said...

Don't know if it will set your mind at ease any, but my Ped sees babies at 6, 9 and 12. Some doctors just do things differently. As for the stranger thing. Everyone kept on telling me that Baby Girl would be going through seperation anxiety and stranger anxiety, she hasn't yet and she's 8 months old. She is pretty happy with almost everyone. Never occured to me to worry about it. I chalk it up to the fact that she is just an easy going baby.

Don't worry, everything will be okay

AwkwardMoments said...

I don;t know if this will help ease your mind but my ped offices ask the same questions and have the same arranged visits. I think the worry thing never stops. We may not all worry about the same thing but we all seem to worry

Sara said...

My ped saw Eggbert every month from 0 to 10, and now sees her every two months or so. I really think that each doc has their own way of doing things, and that you shouldn't read anything into being told to come back soon. If your doctor had concerns, she would tell you about them. Seriously. If you don't have that much faith in your doc, then you should change docs to one that you trust.

As for the anxiety that you are feeling, I totally understand. I'm not a vaccine-phobe at all (sort of the opposite, actually), but I still have nights like that. I think it's part of being a mom, but I am trying to choose not to torture myself like that, given that it's completely unproductive.

Good luck hon!

MrsSpock said...

My Pedi sees children according to AAP guidelines, 1,2,4,6,9, and 12 months.

FWIW, my son is nearly 9 months and has ZERO fear of strangers. They love him at day care- he runs to every person who comes in. He shows his separation anxiety after we pick him up from day care. Once I am in sight, he is stuck to me like glue the rest of the evening. Some kids just have easygoing personalities and never manifest a full-blown stranger anxiety. This is totally normal.

Jill said...

my ped does 9 month visits... so that's normal for us. I don't think you have a special failure that's making you go back! :) PLUS... if your ped was concerned abotu anything, they would tell you. They don't keep those things a secret. :) So rest assured that if there were any problems, your ped would have mentioned them, and since he didn't, you're fine. :)

If you want to obsess about developmental things, I can give you a link to the questionnaires my ped gives us at each appointment. It's a good one - gives a range of things that they can be doing at any time... I find it reassuring rather than stressful.

I hated the shots. I was always way more of a wreck than Ben was.

Sky said...

Man, if vaccines clearly caused damage, I would be fried. I was vaccinated with every single vaccine known to man (my mom was affected by Polio her entire life, which made her VERY-pro vaccine!) and then when I was 2 years old, we came to this country and I was RE-vaccinated with every single one all over again because the doctors here didn't know or trust whatever I was given.

And you know what, I was a VERY healthy child who made friends, laughed and enjoyed life.

Call me crazy but maybe, just maybe, we are all born as individuals. Some of us more giggly, some more serious, some more pensive, some more carefree and sometimes there are adults who are "not right" for many reasons we can't put a finger on but it wasn't likely a vaccine, just a quirky personality we may or may not connect well with.


Frenchie said...

My Doctor wanted to see Alex every 2 months up to one year. Now it's every 6 month. (But we're in there pretty regularly for other stuff!) I waited until Alex was 6 months (if memory serves--it might have been even a little later) to get ANY vaccines. And then we did what you did--just started with the 2 "most important". He's almost 2 now and totally caught up on all the vaccines, and totally fine. You're a great mom! But you already know that. And so does everyone else. :)

Leah Maya Benjamin said...

I'm proud of, think your a little crazy but you know thats ok too, we all our. Poor Brad I really feel for him sometime. So all is well, you stay at home with LB she has no reason to go thru as much stranger garbage, and maybe she won't, thats normal too. Dr T does normally skip the 9 month well check (mostly to help out patients because of insurance not covering it) I"m assuming she would like to see her again so that if you decided to cnotinue on with vaccines they are sapced out appropriatly. LB is FINE she is PERFECT! I will tell you if I think something is wrong, think of how honest i am, does that make you feel better?
I metioned the Carousel to Maya (its closed untilth e end of feb) she said "Maya ride the carousel horse and mommy and Brad and LB(put in her name) and Kami? " she was very excited and once again said that you rode a white horse and she rode a grey one.

Laurie said...

We also see the pedi for 9 month visits here. Completely routine. We all worry about something all of the time. Totally normal and makes us parents. I left Theo's 9 month visit upset that he wasn't clapping. Well he clapped later. No big deal. I was worried Claudia wasn't babbling at 8 months, but spoke her first words, just shortly after. I'm just trying to say that they are all different and on their own timelines. Oh and Claudia is just starting to get stranger anxiety, but not too much yet, and she's almost 1. Theo's kicked in later too.