Monday, February 7, 2011

Not What I Meant

I just reread my last blog post.  I shouldn't have blogged while working . . .I was going toward a lot more detail about Brad's mom's (Kay is her name) passing that would have made sense of it being 'good news' in some ways.  I am still going to spare the details, but wanted to say that I am not happy that she died.  One of the things that will be better (eventually) is that we will no longer be waiting and hoping that she would change her mind and want to be a grandmother to our children. It is harder now because the hope is gone, but we will also now put it entirely behind us.

It is interesting how many aspects of my life I look at differently because of the use of donor eggs.  Kay didn't want to be involved in our lives or our children's lives.  In the past I might have left it at that. Now I think that just because Kay didn't want to be a grandparent shouldn't mean that our kids couldn't have someone fill that role.  I am seriously considering shopping around for some surrogate grandparents.  Who cares if it isn't someone who is one of our parents?  I have great memories of time with my grandparents and it would be nice for our girls to have similar experiences.

Just for the record . . . my mom is alive and involved with the kids.  We hope she lives another decade or two but she has heart problems and not sure that is likely. 

Tonight we expect to get together with Belinda, our donor.  We meant to before but plans got canceled. If we get together tonight then it will be the first time in over a year.  It will be interesting to see how LB and Belinda get along.  Will LB have some sixth-sense like connection?   I will try to post how it goes.


Anonymous said...

Interesting to hear your account of your donor's and LB's meeting...take care.

Lori Lavender Luz said...

I'm sorry to hear about the dynamics surrounding Kay, and also of her death. It's mystifying, isn't it, how she wanted to distance herself?

Enjoy your time with Belinda! I'll be eager to read how it goes.

Sara said...

I think that anybody that "knows" you isn't going to misinterpret your last post. It was pretty obvious that there was more going on behind the scenes.

I'm sorry that Kay wasn't willing or able to be much of a grandparent. I think your idea of looking for volunteer grandparents is a great idea. Our upstairs neighbors serve that kind of role for Eggbert, and it's a really nice thing for all of them. Eggbert is lucky enough to have two sets of grandparents that adore her, but they all live really far away, so it's nice to have local surrogates.

Looking forward to hearing about your visit with Belinda. I hope it goes well!

battynurse said...

Family relations can be so strange and difficult. And yes, chosen family can sometimes be absolutely fabulous. I hope tonights visit with Belinda goes well.

Brenda said...

Sorry about Kay. But even sorrier that she seemed like a difficult person to be around. Makes me reaffirm how lucky I am that my DE kids have grandparents that love them to pieces.

I hope your get together with Belinda goes well. Really interested to see how it goes.

Jill said...

Wait. She didn't want to be a grandparent because of the donor egg process?????? WTF. What if you had adopted? Or had stepchildren from previous relationships? Anything not 100% genetic doesn't count? I'm astonished.

Leah Maya Benjamin said...

will have to check in and see how it all went. I'm of course behind on the whole blogging thing, so just getting caught up on your last post, wasn't thinking Brad would have liked it.
I will call you, sorry I got home so late and was running running, maybe tomorrow, have a BD party at night but maybe when you are off work.

musicmakermomma said...

Sorry you lost the hope of a good relationship with MIL. I love the idea of surrogate grandparents. I grew up with real grandparents that lived far away, and our neighbors were both elderly and we loved all 4 of them; they were at all our events, we ran over after school every day and they were all called Grama and Grampa. So glad we had them in our life.

Anonymous said...

I recently came across your blog. I just wanted to wish you all the best on your endeavor for motherhood. I think you're brave and wonderful and I can't wait to read that your baby has been born and resting peacefully in your arms.

A new reader,