Monday, July 30, 2007

One step closer

Thank you ladies for you comments to my last post. They were are wonderfully uplifting to read. In fact, I have reread them a few times today. To answer your question, Sully - I wonder if I might feel differently if I were adopting a child who was already here. Although I also think of using donor eggs as a form of adoption, perhaps the tie between conceiving and being a mom wouldn't be so obvious.

Moving right along . . . Brad, Belinda and I met with the attorney today to put together the paperwork for the donor eggs. Brad and I signed it today, but Belinda and her husband need to meet with another attorney to go over it once more. It went very smoothly.

This was also the first time Brad and Belinda met. It went well in so many ways. Every time the attorney left the room to print or copy something we would launch into conversation, but it just wasn't enough. We were hoping she would have time to get together to chat, but were concerned about taking too much of her time. Happily, she offered to get together first. We headed off to the nearest cafe to chat!

We decided that I would ride with Belinda since Brad and I both knew (sort of) where we were going. As I climbed into the passenger seat, I moved a couple of items that were on the seat. Belinda said, "Oh, let me get that" and despite my protests came around to my side of the car to tidy up. To show how little I cared that she wasn't perfectly tidy, I locked my door. She took it in the spirit intended and laughed. It wasn't until about an hour later I found out why it bothered her so much. It was a package of baby wipes on the floor. She was concerned that seeing them would upset me. How many fertile people do you know who would notice something like that?!

At the cafe, we talked for over an hour. Sometimes asking for detailed information about her history, family, health, etc. and sometimes just talking about whatever came to mind. We determined that we are undecided about how much involvement we want from each other after a child is born (thinking positively here). I understand she would like some updates, but is leaving it up to us to decide the limits of involvement. I think I would like to stay in regular contact, but I don't know what "regular" means at this point -we will figure it out as we go.

There was also a conversation regarding how she wanted to give her child a full sibling. She was the product of a unique union and while she has 4 half-siblings, none share both her mother and father. This is something that has made her a bit sad.

The reason I mention this is because I sometimes still go back to the idea of cycling along with Belinda. I know, I said it was off the table, but that was when I didn't think we would be able to cycle in September with donor eggs - I thought I could use that cycle for one more try with my eggs if I wanted to. The part that holds me back is the possibility of having twins where one was from my eggs and one from Belinda's. I know there are many genetically mixed families out there and I know we could make it work if we decided on that path, but I also think it may be best not to add another layer of complication. I guess that is a very long-winded way of saying that Belinda's experience lends more weight to trying for 100% genetically linked siblings over the possibility of having my genetic offspring. Besides, to be brutally honest, cycling with my eggs is most likely to only produce a larger debt.

She is also willing to do a second cycle, if needed. Of course, since she hasn't done one yet we amiably acknowledged that she might change her mind. She is just a very kind person. Brad and I are happy to know her and feel very fortunate that we crossed paths and this time. I sure hope it works out all the way to having a baby.

This evening has been so peaceful because of our positive experience with Belinda. I feel very good about our path right now. I suspect that feeling will come and go just like it has over the last several weeks, but right now it feels wonderful.


Irish Girl said...

This post brought tears to my eyes. I'm so happy you found Belinda. She sounds like a wonderful, thoughtful, caring woman. A true testament of selflessness and compassion. Good for you! All of you!

Lori said...

Reading this post makes me smile.

It sounds like you and Belinda are building a relationships based on respect and trust and openness.

I like how she was about the wipes.

SULLY said...

What a sweet woman! Concerned for you! You are SO LUCKY to have found someone with such compassion.

I continue to pray that this all works out for you!!!

Good luck!!!

Pamela Jeanne said...

Ditto the thoughts here. So glad you're getting such great vibes and good discussions with Belinda. If only we could clone her compassion and sensitivity and hand it around to those lacking it!

Inconceivable said...

Oh this post inspires me SO very much! Your relationship with Belinda sounds incredibably amazing. She sounds like a wonderful caring human being. I hope that encourages you - blessings Farah

Babe* said...

I'm truly happy to see that you and Belinda are working out so well. Lots of luck with the upcoming cycle.

Leah said...

This sounds wonderful. I hope you don't mind, but I'm getting *excited* for your cycle to start. :-) It just all seems so, so . . . positive.