Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Sometimes you just need a little boost

Note: An alternate title for this post could be, "A long way of saying very little" which is your hint that if you are behind in your catching up on the blogs you follow like I am, this would be one you can skip.

The hormones of pg (my excuse anyway) have been making me all weepy lately. The hormones on top of the increasingly short days. This has never been an easy time of year for me. My husband noticed a few years ago that I start to get blue about the time the sun goes down. Add to that the loss we had in October, the holidays and my December birthday and it becomes a difficult 3 months period. I figure if I can get to December 21st, at least I can start watching the days get longer. By January there is the hope that I may survive the winter and I know once February is over I will be ok.

Not that I wish my life away. Just the time between November and March. And the time between treatment cycles, of course. Yes, I am still working on the "living in the moment" thing.

I digress. What I meant to convey is that I have been having a tough time emotionally. I know it isn't all about the pregnancy or using donor eggs or the season, but probably the combination of all three. I just haven't been myself. I have been feeling weepy and icky and fragile. Then Brad went on a business trip this week. How was I going to make it without his emotional support? How would I give myself my progesterone shot? I have a negative association with the shots since I took them for several weeks during two doomed pregnancies and it is a daily reminder of what we have gone through. When I tried to do it myself with Brad there on Monday I cried and cried. I eventually poked myself twice, drew blood twice and still failed to give myself the shot. By the time I gave up and let Brad do it, I was emotionally exhausted, but I was laughing.

Tuesday, I was on my own, but had a good friend standing by. I prepped, I psyched myself up, and then I successfully administered the shot! The amazing thing is I walked away feeling stronger than I have in days. I don't need Brad. I can survive emotionally and take care of that shot. Hmmph!


On another, more important note. Jenna has created an award called Flame of Fortitude award for people who have . . .
. . . embodied perseverance in the face of difficulty and shared the journey of your experiences with others proving that a single voice can both be a light of support and a source or humor for those in the midst of their struggle.

I feel very honored to be included with these people for whom I have a great deal of respect. Perhaps I am stronger than I feel lately.

I would like to pass the torch by bringing attention to a couple of bloggers who have been through the flame lately. One is a new blogger, but someone I have known for a while. Her name is Kate and she is at It's Either Sadness or Euphoria . The other one has recently been rolled over by stress infertility can cause in your life. She is a bit quiet on her blog lately, but I am sure will be sharing her journey when she has recovered a bit more from her recent shock. Her name is Forever Hopeful and her blog is Wishing It Would Get Easier.


Lori said...

Congratulations on your injection victory.

I'm definitely a gal of the light (and heat), too. I enjoy spring and summer; I endure fall and winter.

See how strong and independent you are!

Geohde said...

Good on your for doing the jab by yourself. It's not easy to override the reasonable impulse not to shove sharp things through your skin,



Familyof2 said...

You go girl. I don't think I could do PIO shots. Scary! I am proud of you!

J I suffer from J's SAD. He gets just like you do...only instead of weepy he gets cranky and sullen. Its very real, and you have NOTHING to apologize for!!! *not that you were*

Kate said...

Kami! Thanks for the shout-out on your blog. I am still getting into the rhythm of blogging but am enjoying joining the blogosphere.

I also notice the seasonal sadness. I noticed a big difference when I moved from cloudy, gray Michigan to sunny Florida. If you need a break for your gloomy winters there is always a bed for you here in Mad Beach!

mchope said...

Good job on the injection! I've never tried one of those on my own but they definitely seem daunting. I agree with on the short days. Something about knowing they are getting even shorter isn't pleasant either. Here's to more light!

Yodasmistress said...

I love the winter solstice for the opposite of the reason I love the summer solstice. It means there will be more sunlight soon.

I take Vitamin D to try to help. I have no other advice except that it will probably be ok.