Monday, November 26, 2007

A good weekend

I am proud to say we had a pretty good weekend. I wouldn't say that the experiment was a resounding success, but I would still call it a success. I posted some sentinels at the door and did my best not to let anyone in without a good reason. Often I found that the reason wasn't really that strong and so they were turned away. If there was a good reason, I tried to comfort myself quickly and then moved on. Some things that I think helped the most were:
  • Deciding not to dwell on the sad things. I doubt there is any new territory here. I have peeled that onion a thousand times. When Grief would knock on the door, I would acknowledge him, but then focus on all the things I do have such as a wonderful husband and a - so far - viable pregnancy.
  • I listened - and danced - to some old U2 songs. Their old stuff has such raw, powerful emotion. It felt good to dance to it and imagine that I was dancing out the pain and sadness.
  • I imagined it was Spring or Summer. A lot. I closed my eyes and felt the sun on my face and the grass under my bare feet. I would run through fields and swim in mountain lakes. It never failed to put a smile on my face.
  • I slept when I was tired or didn't feel well. I am sure it helped to feel more like myself because I was well rested. One night I slept for 12 hours.
Thank you, again, for everyones support. It is nice to feel understood.

Now, for something kind of funny. Here is an excerpt from an ASRM publication about when to see a counselor regarding infertility. I have read it three times and I have laughed every time. Do you know anyone who couldn't check off at least half of these things? Really, they should offer counseling as part of the standard IVF protocol.
WHEN DO I NEED TO SEE AN
I N F E RT I L I T Y C O U N S E L O R ?

Consider counseling if you are feeling depressed, anxious,
or so preoccupied with your infertility that you feel it is
hard to enjoy life. You may also want to consider counseling
if you are feeling “stuck” and need to sort out your
options and alternatives. Signs that you might benefit
from counseling include:

•persistent feelings of sadness, guilt, or worthlessness
•social isolation
•loss of interest in usual activities and relationships
•depression
•agitation and anxiety
•increased mood swings
•constant preoccupation with infertility
•marital discord
•difficulty concentrating and remembering
•increased use of alcohol or drugs
•a change in appetite, weight, or sleep patterns
•thoughts about suicide or death
•difficulty with scheduled intercourse
Um, lets see . . . Yep, I can pretty much say yes to all of them at one time or another. Isn't infertility fun?

12 comments:

Yodasmistress said...

Wow. I've never even been through IVF and the only thing I can't check off is suicide. Who are they kidding? Have they NOT been paying attention?

Fertilize Me said...

WOW.... way to go media!!

Lori said...

I like the image of you dancing to old U2 songs. Movement is a great way to move emotions, I think.

Thanks for sharing the results of your experiment.

Caro said...

Totally agree about the need to see a counsellor list. I guess we all need it then.

stacyb said...

thanks for posting the list of things you did that helped. i'm gonna keep those things in mind next time i have some unwanted guests.

JJ said...

Whew....
Thanks for sharing this.

Kim said...

Yep, should have seen one a long time ago. The only one I couldn't say yes to was the suicide one. I thought about seeing one but I wasn't driving an hour and a half to see one. Stubborn me!

Glad you did your best with keeping the bad guys out!

Frenchie said...

That list is a riot.

Glad you had a good weekend! Kudos to you for really trying to be purposely happy. I think sometimes it's hard for us infertiles to remember what "happy" feels like. It takes a lot of practice and attention to get back to it.

Geohde said...

Where I live, an initial appointment with a counsellor is mandatory before IVF.

Sadly, it wasn't all that helpful, but I've never found listing my insane worries to a stranger who can only listen and parrot back platitudes all that helpful I like to get things DONE, not talk :)

Good on you for the success of your experiment. Dancing to music when nobody can laugh at me is always helpful, I find....

xx

J

Kami said...

Geohde - " . . . but I've never found listing my insane worries to a stranger who can only listen and parrot back platitudes all that helpful I like to get things DONE, not talk :)"

Very true! I went to one counselor who was very nice, but would say, "you might try this or that" or "I understand" It helped a great deal when my new counselor said, "Just stop." and "How does that serve you?" and "So choose a different response."

meg said...

My fave thing to listen to when I'm down is the unforgettable fire, not sure if that's what you were listening to, but that's the one that helps me. That, and anything by the smiths.

The Town Criers said...

I love this idea of pushing them off, ducking and dodging when you can and sitting with them for a limited time when you can't. I think it shows much internal strength to be able to hold those feelings at bay--even just for a few minutes.