Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Encouragement needed - Updated

We are getting together with LB's donor this evening. We haven't seen her in about 9 months and LB is much less generic these days. I'm nervous that they will look or act too much alike and I will feel threatened by it.

I don't know how much "too much" is.

I know Belinda will do her best to make me feel at ease.

I know it will be easier than I think.

I am convinced it is important to have a relationship with her.

I'm still scared.

Updated: Thank you everyone for your supportive comments. I found as the time drew nearer I grew more calm. Perhaps resigned to my fate. I took LB in a bike trailer and biked to the nearby park, stopping on the way at the local farmer's market. We sat on the grass and listened to a bluegrass band while LB nibbled on a piece of bread sampled at the market. It was such a nice mother-daughter moment that it set me up nicely for our meeting.

And . . . .

It went beautifully! It took me a few minutes to get comfortable, but then we were like old friends. I had forgotten how interesting Belinda is in her own right. I didn't feel threatened even when I confirmed that LB's lip biting that just started this morning is indeed a trait from Belinda. I was happily the mother of a beautiful girl and Belinda was the women who helped me have her.

As for why I think it is important to maintain a relationship with Belinda . . . beside the obvious need (if this FET doesn't work) for her eggs again, I want LB to be able to have access to her genetic background. I don't know if it will be important to her or not, but I want the option open. Today I was also reminded that I just plain like her.

13 comments:

Sandy said...

I'm sending you hugs and encouragement and good luck vibes.

Remember that every cell in LB's body after that first donated cell is there because of the nourishment you gave her through the food you ate while pregnant and the breast milk you have given her since she was born. She is in every way your daughter and you are a wonderful mother.

Stacie said...

I am sending you strength to help get you through the evening. I would think that anyone would feel the same way you are right this moment in the same situation!

I hope that the worry you feel now will be a distant memory once the activity starts and you are able to enjoy yourself.

Hugs!

Fertilized said...

Good Luck Kami

Sunny said...

Wow, certainly a big evening for you. I don't have any wise words, but I think it's really wonderful that you are doing this for your daughter. Good luck and hope your concerns are quickly put at ease.

Me said...

Wow. This is huge. Just remember, YOU'RE the mommy!!!

Lavender Luz said...

Instead of thinking "or," think "and."

By this, I mean move from duality and toward wholeness. It will make things easier for both you and LB.

And breathe!

You can do this.

Lisa DG said...

It WILL be easier- the anticipation is always harder. This is YOUR baby- and you love the generosity that Belinds gave to you in this very special gift. Just remember how grateful you are for that.

Why are you convinced that it is important to have a relationship with her? It seems that this journey would be a hard one.

We are here on the sidelines cheering you on however you need us to...

MrsSpock said...

Kami, I have no doubt that you will be able to handle this, as you have with even your impromptu meeting with Belinda's mom, with grace.

Miss Conception said...

Thinking about you and hoping that your fears don't come true.

battynurse said...

Glad it went well.

MrsSpock said...

Glad the meeting went so well!

definitionofinsanity said...

What a lovely story!

Mad Hatter said...

I've just been reading through your blog and wanted to let you know what a lovely post this is - I'm so glad you had such a positive experience. All the best to you.