Monday, October 6, 2008

To Be Clear

My last few posts have focused on some ongoing grief I am experiencing due to infertility. I want to be clear that while there are moments of grief and (hopefully) healing, there are many more moments of joy. I love LB with all my heart and would not change her for anything. I can't imagine loving my genetic child any more. I am so thankful to everyone who helped us bring her into this world and who supported us along the way. I am so thankful to her for just being.

As I have said, I don't think it should be my child's job to make me happy; but happiness does come more easily when life is going the way I would prefer.

In honor of "Perfect Moment Monday", allow me show some happy moments with LB:

  • Holding her in my lap as I type this. Sometimes she starts to cry, then laughs in her sleep. I love feeling her in my arms.
  • Sitting her on the potty in the morning right after she wakes up. She makes such cute faces - yawning and smiling. Sometimes she will start going right in the middle of a yawn and her mouth closes with her tongue still sticking out. So cute! (Will I ever get tired of the times when I "catch" her eliminations? I know it's crazy, but I just love it.)
  • In the last few days she has noticed the pets. She has reached out and "petted" one of the cats. The cat may have preferred the term "grabbed".
  • Last night, we put her on her tummy on her play mat while we changed the sheets on the bed. She suddenly got quiet and we went to check on her. She was on her back! Of course we put her back on her tummy about four more times just to watch her roll over.
  • While she smiles a lot, she doesn't all out laugh very much and when she does it is only a couple of chuckles and usually comes after I have been making her smile for a while. The other day, I was just talking to her and she gave me her biggest laugh so far. What did I say that was so funny? "Wouldn't it be neat if we could make you a sibling without IVF? A free baby!" I'm not sure if she was laughing with me or at me, but I will take either one as long as I get to hear it.

P.S. -- I encourage you to read this post from The Shifty Shadow.


Pamela T. said...

Glad you're getting joy and laughs from LB along the way...

We're in different shoes but this sentiment in your post is one thing we share in common: "happiness does come more easily when life is going the way I would prefer" -- that's especially so when I feel frustrated or anxious.

Thanks for reminding me that we can't expect others to make us happy.

Sherry said...

I'm glad the moments of joy outweigh the grief - gives me hope for the future.

LB sounds like a sweetie, can't wait to see more joy develop as you watch her grow!

Lori Lavender Luz said...

Of course, joy and sorrow can exist in the same heart at the same time. They don't cancel each other out -- they are their own entities.

I love the images of you and your daughter, your cats and your home!

Adding to Perfect Moment Mondays.

Tracy said...

I love happy moments like that. I seem to have more and more every day.

I'm still reading, too...just don't always have time to comment. I know you understand.

MrsSpock said...

I think we all have bits of joy and sorrow intertwined through all our relationships. Of course you cherish her.

Hooray for rolling LB!

Anonymous said...

Kami- as usual you hit it spot on...I can get so caught up in Luke's therapies and dealing with the delays and can get so frazzled and all it takes is the moment when he drops what he is playing with and runs over to give hugs and forget the heartaches along the way. I am warning you though she will grow so fast... Luke just turned 2 on Sturday and I am in awe how my 2 pound 9 ounce boy is 30 pounds an wearing size 8 shoes....enjoy every moment!!!!

B said...

Great to see you enjoying life with LB

love B

amber said...

It's the little things that make me happiest. It's the big things that make me sad. The rest is just the noise in between.