Thursday, September 13, 2007

Better than less sad

I had a very nice experience at Belinda's appointment this morning. It was much better than the "less sad" that I had been hoping for in my last post.

While we were in the prep room and Belinda was getting undressed I confessed (as I was pacing around the tiny room) that I was nervous. "Tell me about that." Belinda said. I explained that I was nervous that this won't work -that something would go wrong, if it does work -I don't know what it will be like to parent a child not genetically mine. She acknowledged those fears, but we couldn't talk more because we were called into the scan room.

It wasn't as awkward as I expected it to be as Belinda headed for the stirrups and I headed toward the chair to the side of the exam table. It was actually kind of interesting to see things from my husband's point of view.

Dr. R. checked Belinda's lining. I was curious as to why they would care and he said that it helps judge how she is responding to the medication. Moving on to the ovaries - everything is looking good at 10 to 12 mm. Belinda asked if there were only eight follicles - that is all she heard him measure. He said that there were likely more, but one of her ovaries was hard to see. He seemed unconcerned. Phew!

As we headed out, Dr. R. asked if I was cold. I then realized I was hugging myself during almost the entire exam. I wasn't cold, but scared and nervous. "No, just nervous, " I confessed. He gave me a few comforting words and put his hand on my back to lead me out of the room. You know I just love those little signs of care and comfort!

Back in the original exam room - still hugging myself, I felt so relieved and excited and scared and vulnerable. I told Belinda, "When you finish getting dressed I could sure use a hug." She replied, "Well, I've got one for ya!" And we had a wonderful hug. I thanked her for all she is doing for us and for her emotional support as well. Ahhh, just what I needed.

Do you think we will continue to stay in touch when this is all over? I can't imagine not.

After the appointment we went for coffee & croissants. We chatted about our childhoods, how we saw our parents, how we hoped to be perceived by our children. It was a good morning.


Fertilize Me said...

Kami- that made me cry! You both are such wonderful people and It's just so touching to read all about the compassion

Meg said...

Awesome!! And what a great needed hug..I hope you continue to stay in touch whether it be email or whatever. Because share such an experience it would be a shame to lose contact. Plus you both seem like such wonderful people.

RJ said...

Kami--What a totally unique DE experience you are having!!! I really hope you will keep writing about this and help expand the "world" of known donor IVF!!

Lori said...

I'm so enjoying the Kami/Belinda story.

She's something special, and so are you.

Foreverhopeful said...

I'm so glad you are able to enjoy this experience with some one as wonderful as Belinda. I'm sure this journey will bring you so much closer together and you will always have a special bond. You are both amazing people.

SULLY said...

Your post made me happy and sad at the same time. I still believe that at the end of the day when you are holding YOUR BABY that all of this will be just a memory. A fond memory, and not the bitter sweetness that is there now.

Geohde said...

Such a sweet post.


Irish Girl said...

I can't stop feeling so exited for you ... good feelings, good things. All the best to you and Belinda.

(I'm so excited and hopeful and happy for you!)

lady in waiting said...

Kami: Sounds like this is turning into a really lovely experience between you and Belinda. I am so happy for you both.

Pamela Jeanne said...

The chemistry and openness between you and Belinda is really inspiring. I'm so hoping that it's a sign of great things to come!