A good morning!

Today is the big day. We both woke up early. I was a bundle of nerves and decided the best thing was to get out of the house and go for a walk. Brad and I threw on some clothes, leashed up the dog and headed out along our favorite river walk.

Did I mention I am a basket case? It must be obvious from my posts - so happy and exited I can barely contain myself at times and when the news is less than expected, I am all kinds of sadness. I asked Brad if he ever gets weary of me. He said that he does. "Do you get weary of me when I am over-the-top excited?" "No," he said. "Well how can you get over-the-top excited without getting really sad? Who feels happy emotions so strongly, but not the sad ones?" "That would pretty much be me." he replied with a devious grin. He's probably right though. The smug bastard.

So the walk was nice and quite calming. Belinda called to see how I was doing. I told her I was nervous. She said that she was feeling all warm and fuzzy, but didn't want to show it in case I wasn't. Too late, she admitted. It was nice to hear her continued enthusiasm. Then I noticed another call was coming in - the RE's office!

"Hi Miss Kami" said one of my favorite nurses. She then gave me the usual info - when to come in, when the retrieval will be, how much water to drink . . . I could barely spare a brain cell to take it all in because all I really wanted to know were how the embryos were doing.

She took a breath - I started to ask, "How are the embryos?" But she was already right there. "You have 3 expanded blasts and 1 expanding blast." "Three expanded blasts? Really?" "Yes," she replied. "Yeah! I have never had more than one expanded blast. Maybe this will be different!!!" I think she said something like, "See? I told you not to worry."

I ran up to Brad (he had gone ahead with the dog), jumped on his back and shouted, "Three expanded blasts, three expanded blasts!" He said something like, "See!"

On the way out for the walk, I told Brad that I felt we would never have children. On the way back, I have hope again. I know I am pathetic - to lose hope so easily and regain with just a tiny bit of proof that things might actually work out for us. Maybe I am just wired that way.

Currently Brad and I plan on transferring all four embryos. Our first choice would be to have one child now and one later. I don't want twins and I certainly don't want to do a reduction. I want a BFN even less. Brad and I have all kinds of arguments lined up. We will see how it goes. My RE can be pretty persuasive.

More later!