My definition of Happiness

I want to join Mel's discussion about happiness and I am already a couple of days behind. I have not read the book she is currently reading, but have read Stumbling on Happiness - a book I very much liked and was likely influenced by.

It's funny how hard happiness can be to define, yet rarely do we not know if we are happy or not. In this moment, I would say that I am not unhappy, but not exactly happy either. (I'm sleeping and having a bit of a poor me day about not getting the FREAKING CHANCE TO HAVE MY OWN GENETIC CHILD AFTER 5.5 YEARS OF TTC, 4 PREGNANCIES AND ONE EARLY INFANT DEATH!) Sorry, not your fault, I shouldn't have yelled at you. But I digress . . . the point is I know happiness when I feel it. As for a definition, that is trickier.

I do think happiness is joy and pleasure and bliss. It is also contentment and that peaceful feeling when I am "in the moment" and present in my experience. I don't think it is about fulfillment or living a virtuous life (was that Aristotle?) although those things can help. I know I have been happy for fleeting moments in really dark times in my life. I have also been very unhappy during happy times in my life. Happiness is a good feeling that makes you smile. Happiness is in the moment - I don't think it exists outside of the emotion. If remembering a past event - or envisioning a future event - makes me happy - it is the current moment that is the experience of happiness.

Hmm . . . I should not quit my day job and become a philosopher! I hope you get some kind of idea of what I mean.

I also think happiness is a choice to some extent. Granted, it is easier when things are going well anyway, but I have found happiness when things haven't been going well. There was a moment - about a year and a half ago now - after being very unhappy over the loss of our son - when I realized expecting a baby to make me happy wasn't very fair to baby. "Welcome, little one. As your first goal in life I would like you to make me happy." Not very fair to a brand new life, I decided. So I set out to find happiness without a child.

I did - again to some extent. I got better at enjoying the moment. I could once again feel the breeze on my face, enjoy my husband's touch, dance and laugh. It is not always easy, but it is much better than living in the dark place I lived in for more than a year.

I also realized that I wasn't all that happy before we started TTC. Well, I was ecstatic compared to some days post TTC. I remember how my husband and I laughed so much easier and so much more often. I remember quietly whispering to each other (to not temp any jealous gods listening in) that we couldn't believe how lucky and perfect our lives were. I also remember getting down about little things. At least things I now think of as little - like not owning a big enough house or getting the right kind of recognition at work or not having enough free time or having bigger-than-I'd-like thighs or many, many other things.

I digress again. Please see the above paragraph in blue and will leave my other ramblings on happiness for another post.